


Words and Deeds

by darthmelyanna, miera



Series: stargate_ren [11]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Renaissance, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-09
Updated: 2007-03-16
Packaged: 2019-02-06 20:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12825447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darthmelyanna/pseuds/darthmelyanna, https://archiveofourown.org/users/miera/pseuds/miera
Summary: As winter draws to a close, Sarah Gardner abruptly arrives in Atlantis, bringing news that could have dire consequences for Queen Elizabeth's rule and could change relationships within her court forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many, many thanks to sache8, who was, as usual, a huge help. :)

  
By the time that winter began to fade, it was well known to almost everyone in Atlantis that the queen took a walk every afternoon, so long as the weather was not inclement. Even the lingering cold did not always deter her. Occasionally she would conduct meetings – provided they were not of a sensitive nature – while on these walks, but more often they were a time of enjoyment for her. And now that John of Sheppard was back in Atlantis, he was certain to be at her side whenever possible, even in the bitterest cold.

On a chilly afternoon, Jonathan of Neill watched the pair from several feet back as they ambled along. John was playing fetch with the queen's puppy, Sedge, while they walked. He was also making Elizabeth laugh a great deal. This kind of thing was why Jack had told Daniel, Elizabeth's cousin, that he could not accompany Elizabeth if John were there. He tended to look disapprovingly on her behavior around the knight, but Jack thought she needed the relaxation. John gave her something else to think about, instead of letting her dwell on the endless difficulties of ruling a nation.

Daniel's other concern was the fact that he'd heard a whisper or two about Elizabeth and John. Jack thought he was overreacting, as usual.

Jack had Laura at his side, while Kate was walking silently with Marcus Lorne. Since Solstice, Jack's suspicions about the two had been nearly confirmed. He'd yet to stumble upon any concrete proof, but in all honesty he preferred not to. Unsubstantiated opinions still gave him deniability. Besides, the last thing he wanted to do was walk in on someone trying to romance a young woman he'd known from her childhood.

The party was coming back toward the castle when Jack heard the distant sound of hoofs pounding into hard earth. All three men stepped in front of Elizabeth out of instinct, and Jack looked to see a horse crossing the land bridge towards the gate at breakneck speed. It was a foolish act, as the isthmus still had patches of ice that made it dangerous for horse and rider even at the slowest speed. But as the horse drew nearer, Jack was surprised to see a woman's figure seated on its back.

Lorne, Kate and Laura were already moving the queen toward the safety of the palace before Jack could say anything about it. Sedge went running off after them. While they whisked Elizabeth away, Jack exchanged a glance with John and they hurried around the stone walls toward the grand entrance of the palace, hoping to beat the rider there.

The woman was stopped at the gates by the ever-vigilant guards, and by the time Jack and John arrived, she was arguing with them vehemently. "I have an urgent message for the Duke of Langford," she was saying. "Please, let me pass!"

"The Duke of Langford?" Jack asked, approaching. "What business do you have with him?"

She hedged, and Jack thought she looked as though she was about to faint. "I have information which he must hear," she replied.

"What information do you have for the duke?" said another voice, this one inside the gate. Daniel had come up to the entrance, probably because of the commotion, his arms folded across his chest as he stared down the intruder.

"Daniel," she breathed.

He stared in shock. "Sarah?"

Jack felt the oddness of the situation, in particular the apparent recognition between the stranger and Daniel, sink in as the woman dismounted. She weaved on her feet, and Sir John rushed forward as she fell. Turning to his friend, Jack prompted, "Daniel?"

The other man shook his head while John hefted the unconscious woman in his arms. "I have no idea what is happening," Daniel said, "but that is Sarah Gardner, whom I have not seen in ten years."

Faintly horrified at the possibilities that name conjured, Jack looked at the woman and then nodded to the guards to let them in. "The queen will have our heads on a platter if we don't let Beckett examine her, at least."

As the massive iron gates swung open, John stepped forward carefully. "Where should I take her?" he asked.

"As far away from the queen's living area as possible," Jack said immediately.

They got the woman settled in a small room in a distant wing of the palace. She was still unconscious when Doctor Beckett arrived, and the other three men stood back a respectful distance while he examined her. "Exhaustion, I think," was his verdict. "Whatever her reasons for coming here, she must have thought it most urgent to put herself at such peril. May I be curious and ask why she came?"

"Daniel?" Jack said, turning to him.

Daniel shook his head. "I have no idea why she came, but it cannot be good," he replied quietly.

"What do you mean?" John asked, sounding rather alarmed.

"Not long after King Edmund's death, Sarah was traveling with her parents in the western territories," Daniel explained, lowering his voice. "The party was ambushed by Goa'uld raiders."

Jack shuddered, remembering the story well. He had gone personally at the reports and seen the carnage for himself. He glanced at John and saw the younger man was curious, and he explained, "When I got to the scene, there was one servant still alive, though he did not last long. The raiders had killed the viscount and his wife, and their daughter had disappeared along with several of their younger female servants." He turned back to Daniel. "And you are certain this is the same woman?"

"I would know her face anywhere," Daniel replied, nodding briefly.

Jack sighed. "All right," he said. "You three, go to the queen. She will want to know what the commotion was about."

"And what will you do?" Daniel asked suspiciously.

"Someone has to stay here and watch her."

"I'll not have her under armed guard, Jack," he objected.

"I'll not have the palace at risk," Jack shot back. "You may have known her once, but after ten years with the Goa'uld? You do not know her now."

Daniel glared for a moment, but conceded the point. With a nod, he exited the room, taking John and Beckett with him. Left alone with the unconscious stranger, Jack sat down in a chair next to the bed and stared, wondering what she was hiding.

* * *

  
Elizabeth was quiet for a long moment after Daniel had finished his explanation. Folding her hands in her lap, she said, "Sarah Gardner? Daughter of the Viscount of Berwynn?"

"Yes," Daniel replied. "It is hard to believe, but it is she."

Between Daniel and Doctor Beckett, Sir John was shaking his head. "Ten years ago she could have been no more than sixteen, Lord Daniel. Many things change in the course of a decade."

"Little girls become queens," Elizabeth remarked dryly, drawing the gentlemen's attention back to herself.

"My lady," John murmured as a kind of apology.

Elizabeth looked at Kate and Laura, who were seated off to the side of her private sitting room, as they often were. They both had sewing in their laps, but both had gotten caught up in Daniel's report and were no longer working. Peter Grodin, her personal secretary, stood off to the side, watching attentively, his face carefully neutral.

She looked back at the men standing before her. "Do I remember rightly?" she asked of Daniel. "Did you not once have an understanding with this Lady Sarah?"

"Not exactly," Daniel replied, shifting uneasily. "Our parents arranged the match when we were still quite young."

Elizabeth nodded once. It was obvious why the marriage had not taken place and that the entire subject made Daniel uncomfortable. She glanced at Beckett. "What is her condition, Doctor?"

"She should be awake soon," he said. "I sent word down to the stables, by the way. If her exhaustion is any indication of the last time she stopped, her horse may be nigh on dead."

Elizabeth took a moment to digest this report. "Well," Elizabeth said to the group at large, "we should provide her with food and drink, and perhaps fresh clothing."

"What of her claim of having information for me?" Daniel asked quietly.

"When she is awake, I wish to be informed immediately. We will deal with the situation from there."

When the men had left, Elizabeth moved to stand at the window, looking out at the fading daylight pensively. After a few moments Laura followed her. "You are nervous, my lady," she said.

"Yes," Elizabeth replied, "and I do not know why."

Laura shrugged. "This lady was missing for ten years," she said. "The last we know of her, she was carried off by the Goa'uld. What if she sympathizes with them now? Or is acting on their behalf? That is enough to give anyone pause."

A slight chill ran down the queen's spine as Laura vocalized the fear that had settled into her mind, and Elizabeth turned away from the window. With any luck, this would all pass with as little trauma as possible, but her brief reign had yet to hit upon any such luck.

* * *

  
When Sarah awoke, she was in a strange room. She managed to curb the ensuing stab of panic, but only until she saw movement out of the corner of her eye and realized she was not alone. With a gasp, she shot up.

"My lady," the man said, leaning forward in his chair, "I won't hurt you."

She ran her hand up her chest to her neck nervously, feeling disoriented. "Where am I?" she asked hoarsely.

"You're in Atlantis," he replied. "You fainted at the gate, and we brought you up here."

Sarah nodded, looking at him. It was the older of the two men who had met her outside the gate. He was handsome, with flecks of grey beginning to appear in his brown hair. His eyes were warm and rich now, but at the same time Sarah remembered the steely look he had given her before.

"My horse," she blurted out. "Did someone see to my horse?"

"Yes. There's no need to worry about him." He rose and picked up a blanket that was folded at the end of the bed. "The queen's physician examined you. He said you fainted from exhaustion. You should lie down."

She resisted for a moment. "I need to speak to Lord Daniel. It is most urgent."

He smiled lightly, but it did not reach his eyes. "So you told us, repeatedly. However, you need to clean up and eat something first, or you might faint again."

Though her body was tense with unease, she leaned back and let him cover her legs with the blanket. Then there was a gentle knock at the door, and a young woman with fiery hair tied back in a braid entered the room. "You are awake," she said to Sarah upon seeing her. Sarah saw that she was carrying a tray with a steaming bowl of something, along with a pitcher and a mug. She walked up and set the tray down upon the bed, next to Sarah. "I am Laura Cadman, one of the queen's attendants."

"Sarah Gardner," Sarah replied, though she suspected that by now Daniel had told them her name.

Laura moved about the bed, collecting pillows and propping Sarah up to her satisfaction. Sarah glanced at the man, who had stood back from the bed and now looked somewhat amused at the way the young woman had taken over. Once Sarah was settled, Laura placed the tray on a stool near the bed. "The queen sent food for you. She does not want you to become more seriously ill."

"The queen is most kind," Sarah replied. "Will you convey my thanks to her?"

"Certainly." Laura turned to the man. "Lord Jonathan, may I leave you with Lady Sarah? My lady wished to be informed as soon as she woke."

He nodded once, and Laura took her leave. Awkwardly, he sat down again. "I suppose I should introduce myself," he said. "I am Jonathan, the Marquis of Neill."

Sarah nodded to him. "I remember you now," she said. "My father was a viscount. He brought me to court a few times."

She did not state the reason, but Lord Jonathan guessed it. "To meet Lord Daniel, I imagine."

"Yes."

The stew Laura had brought up looked delicious, but it was very hot. Sarah stirred it absently in an attempt to cool it off, but looked up at Lord Jonathan. He seemed to be watching her single-mindedly, and Sarah suddenly understood that his presence in the chamber was not entirely to do with her well-being. "My lord," she said, "I know I have much to explain, and that you must be very curious. But I have been gone for so long, and it is clear that many things have changed. Could you tell me a little of what I have missed?"

Jonathan sat back in his chair. "Well, as you've likely ascertained, Princess Elizabeth was crowned queen a few months ago," he began.

There was an uncomfortable silence, as it was clear that he did not wish to tell her everything of the current situation in Atalan. Sarah thought of asking about the masts she had seen in the shipyards as she had raced across the land bridge, but instead she looked down again and said, "My parents are dead, are they not?"

"I'm afraid so," he replied. "They were killed in the attack when you were kidnapped."

She closed her eyes. "I suspected as much."

"Your family's lands passed into the care of the crown," he said after a moment. "The regent had no power to grant them to someone else, and Queen Elizabeth has not done so either." He did not say they would be returned to her as the rightful heir, which told her precisely how wary he was of her presence. However, there was some sympathy in his expression now, despite his caution.

"And Lord Daniel?" she asked. "Did he ever marry?"

That question seemed to surprise Jonathan, but he recovered quickly. "Yes," he said slowly. "But his wife died some time ago."

Sarah looked away, feeling a blush rise on her cheeks. She had no right to that information, and did not know why she had even asked.

She turned her attention to her food, and they sat in awkward silence until she had finished eating. By then Laura Cadman had returned with the doctor, and Lord Jonathan slipped away without saying a word.

* * *

  
Lady Sarah was allowed to sleep some more after she had finished eating, largely because she clearly was struggling to keep her eyes open and Carson put his foot down about forcing her when she was still so unwell. While Sarah slept, Laura sat in the small bedchamber with her, working slowly on her embroidery. She was starting to grow weary of pearly grey silk, despite how much she had liked it months ago.

Laura had little idea of what Sarah's life had been like in Goa'uld hands, but given the look on Lord Jack's face when he watched the woman, she had a suspicion that it was beyond her imagination.

She was not sure she wanted to know, either. From what she had gathered, the woman was roughly ten years her senior, about Samantha Carter's age. But while she was beautiful, she did not have Sam's youthfulness, and Laura had seen in Sarah's eyes the look of a wounded animal, searching desperately for a safe haven.

Laura was about to set her needlework aside, as the sun was setting and light in the room was fading, when Sarah awoke. She looked over and did not seem overly surprised to see Laura there. "Has the queen's doctor decided I cannot be left alone?" she asked.

"No," Laura replied, with a small smile. "But I can tell you from a great deal of personal experience that he is very protective of those in his care."

Sarah pushed herself up, and Laura set her embroidery aside to help her stand. She was taller than Laura had anticipated. "When I told Lord Daniel that I had information most pressing," she said, "I was not exaggerating. I need to speak with him."

"Can it not keep an hour?" Laura asked. "They are expecting you after supper."

"I do not know," Sarah answered softly.

Laura did not much like the sound of that, but knew that Daniel could not be interrupted now. "Well, in the meantime, I have brought you clean clothes." She gestured to the screened corner of the room and added, "If you need assistance. . ."

Sarah nodded. "Thank you."

In the main part of the room, Laura shifted about impatiently, waiting for a request for help that never came. She had retreated to the fireplace and was stoking the embers when Sarah emerged from behind the screen. They did not speak to each other right away, but Sarah walked over to the small table where Laura had been sitting and looked at her embroidery. "This is exquisite," she remarked.

"I have not done all of it myself," Laura confessed. "The most intricate parts were stitched by Lady Katherine, the queen's other companion."

"Still," Sarah said. "This is for a special occasion, I presume."

Laura walked toward her slowly. "Yes," she replied, smiling brightly. "It is for my wedding."

When Sarah looked up, Laura saw, for the first time, a hint of pleasure on her face. "Indeed?" she said. "I wish you every happiness."

"Thank you. I will convey that to my husband-to-be as well, as you've already met him." At Sarah's curious look, Laura said, "I am to marry Doctor Beckett."

"And thus you would be familiar with his protective nature."

"Of course." Laura looked down at her hands. "He is a gentle and caring man, and though he is not my equal in birth he is my better in every other sense."

Her comment seemed to drain all the lightness from Sarah's expression, and the lady turned away. Laura grabbed her arm impulsively. "Please, my lady," she said, "I did not mean to upset you."

Quickly Sarah shook her head. "Let me not make you uncomfortable."

Laura moved her hand from Sarah's arm to her hand. "It will get. . . easier," she began awkwardly.

"I hope you are right," Sarah replied earnestly.

* * *

  
Laura brought Sarah Gardner to the queen's audience chamber immediately after supper, where Jack was waiting with Elizabeth, Daniel, Peter and Kate. The newcomer was dressed in clean clothes and appeared, if not rested, stronger than she had during the afternoon. The lady was clearly startled by who awaited her and Jack shifted nervously.

Elizabeth smiled, graciously polite as a sovereign should be. "Lady Sarah," she said. "Thank you for coming."

Though she had never seen the queen, or at least not since the monarch was a young girl, Sarah obviously surmised Elizabeth's identity from her position upon the room's simple throne. She curtseyed low. "I thank you, Majesty, for your hospitality," she replied.

Elizabeth looked at Daniel and Jack, who rose to bring chairs from the wall to the center of the room, before the throne. "Please sit," Elizabeth said gently as Laura took her place next to Kate. Sarah did so and the queen continued, "I have been informed that you came with a message for Lord Daniel, and that this information is most urgent."

Sarah nodded. "The Goa'uld are planning some sort of strike."

A moment of stunned silence followed the declaration. Jack looked at Elizabeth quickly. Her face was carefully blank, but he could imagine her frustration. They had been hearing rumors of this vague nature for months now, mostly spouted by Kinsey. "Have you anything more specific?" Elizabeth asked.

"They have amassed an army," Sarah replied. "I have seen it with my own eyes. They are camped on the other side of the Talas Mountains, and when the snows begin to melt and the passes clear, the Goa'uld could easily strike Atalan, probably around the province of Neill." At her last words, she glanced at Jack briefly before dropping her gaze to the floor.

"Why would they muster troops now, only to wait for the thaw?" Daniel asked. "They leave themselves vulnerable to attack or disease."

"Or spies," Elizabeth added. Jack was a little alarmed at how dark her expression had grown. "They are also within striking distance of Caldora there," she said. "And to attack the western Caldoran provinces they must move before the snow melts and the Mearali River floods its banks."

Sarah looked confused by Elizabeth's calm recitation of fact, but everyone else in the room knew exactly why she would know this. Sheppard was the westernmost province in Caldora.

Elizabeth finally looked away from her guest. "Tell me truthfully, Jack. Is it too late to warn Caldora of this threat?"

"Warn Caldora?" Sarah blurted out. Elizabeth only looked back at her silently, and the older woman met the queen's gaze with finely honed skepticism. "Have I come to the right country?"

Jack and Laura both snickered quietly at that, and even Elizabeth herself smiled a little. "We have had some diplomatic contact with King Henry of Caldora in recent months," Elizabeth explained. "I would not say much has changed, but I am certain that what little progress we have made would be materially damaged if I withheld this information from them."

Those last words were for himself and Daniel as much as for Sarah. Elizabeth looked back at Jack expectantly. "I have serious doubts that a message would reach the king's ears in time to help them," he said. "In good weather the mountain passes are a more direct route than the foothills in the east, but they would be dangerous in this time of year and prone to avalanche."

Elizabeth nodded. "I think that an attempt would still be appropriate," she said quietly. "Even if the message is late, it will still show my intentions are honorable."

"Will they care, if their country has been overrun by then?" Daniel asked.

"They will remember that I tried," Elizabeth replied. "I am sure of it."

She nodded at Peter, her secretary. The young man nodded back. "I will see to it immediately, Majesty," he said quietly, and left. Both Sarah and Elizabeth looked relieved.

Then the queen turned her attention back to her guest. "You said you saw this army with your own eyes," she commented. "Would it be too bold of me to ask how you came to see it?"

Jack had to look down to keep his feeling of awe from showing on his face. He feared he would never be fully accustomed to how easily Elizabeth could disguise an order as a favor.

"They came through my master's lands," Sarah said quietly. "A blind man could have seen them."

Elizabeth looked alarmed. They all knew of the Goa'uld and their slavery, but Jack imagined that few in Atalan beside himself and Daniel would ever truly understand what happened in the realm of the Goa'uld.

"Your master?" Elizabeth repeated.

"Osiris. I called him master," Sarah said dryly. "He preferred husband."

And despite all the years of training to keep her reactions subdued, Elizabeth winced, looking down. Kate and Laura were similarly affected. Jack would have guessed from the wary looks Sarah had given him earlier that at the very least someone had forced himself upon her, and he wouldn't have considered a forced marriage out of the realm of possibility either. He suspected that Elizabeth would have come to that conclusion herself eventually, but that did not make it less painful to hear.

There were many details Jack still wished to know, such as how she had come to escape, but Elizabeth wrapped up the discussion before he could ask. "Thank you for your time, Lady Sarah," she said, "and for your information. This could prove invaluable to our people."

The queen stood, and the rest stood with her. Sarah curtseyed again. "I am glad of that, Majesty."

Elizabeth nodded to her, and Sarah took her leave, one of the royal guards "escorting" her back to her chamber. When the woman was gone, Elizabeth looked to Daniel. "Cousin, there are more things I need to know," she said bluntly. "Can you speak with her and draw her out?"

"Do you not think you could not ask her yourself?" Daniel asked in reply.

"We need to know how she escaped Osiris, Daniel," Jack said. "If the queen asks, it will come across as suspicion that she did not escape but was sent."

"Which is exactly what you suspect," Kate put in.

"Yes," said Elizabeth, "which is why I cannot ask. If Daniel asks, there is a chance it will come across as mere curiosity, or even as concern."

Next to Kate, Laura rolled her eyes. "These games can be ridiculous."

"These games can stop wars," Daniel replied. "I will do as you ask, cousin, but I must treat her with respect. She was my betrothed once, after all."

"I would not ask otherwise of you," Elizabeth said. "I ask you to do what I believe only you can."

Daniel looked skeptical, but nodded anyway. "As you wish."

"Thank you," she replied quietly.

As the other man left, Jack thought to himself that the whole situation was probably more awkward to Daniel than he could ever imagine. He did not envy his friend the conversation he was about to attempt.

* * *

  
"Sarah," Daniel called when he stepped out of the audience chamber.

The lady stopped and turned. "Yes?"

As he caught up to her, he asked, "May I speak with you for a moment? Alone?"

"Of course," Sarah said. The guard attending her fell discreetly behind them.

He offered his arm, and they walked toward a small courtyard where they might be afforded some privacy. They stood there, uncomfortably silent. He was unsure of how to begin. Truthfully, this was an aspect of political life to which he was ill-suited, and it bothered him some that his cousin seemed so good at it. Elizabeth had certainly not learned that skill from him.

"You must have questions," Sarah said quietly. "Perhaps even more than the others."

Daniel opened his mouth and closed it again, wondering if perhaps Sarah already understood his intent. "You were gone so long," he decided to say. "I wonder how you even survived."

"Hour by hour," she replied. "Sometimes that was the only way."

"And Lord Osiris forced you to be his wife?"

She nodded, biting her lip. She looked as though she was about to start crying, which was the last thing Daniel wanted to deal with just now. He hadn't meant to ask that, but given how flippantly she had mentioned the man in front of the queen, he had not expected her to react quite like this.

"Daniel," she said, as tears threatened to tumble out like the torrent of words that followed. "Daniel, I came here to deliver that warning, but I never thought about what would happen to me after I had given it. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can enter society here again, if I want my family's lands again, if I should just go somewhere else entirely. And now I can't stop thinking that if I had stayed in Atlantis instead of leaving with my parents, I would have been married to you and none of this would have happened. . ."

Sarah trailed off then, crying quietly. Daniel embraced her awkwardly, as he didn't know what else to do in the situation. He did not think she noticed his discomfort, for she clung to him as she wept. In a moment of panic, it occurred to him that she might be clinging to him in other ways as well.

She pulled away after a little while, and though her face was reddened from crying Daniel could see her compose herself behind a carefully blank expression, one which must have kept her sane through her ten-year ordeal. He was a little sad to see it, for the girl he remembered had been eager to smile.

"I am sorry, my lord," she said. "I fear there is still much I must adjust myself to."

"Sarah," he began hesitantly, "Jack told me that he informed you I was married, but that my wife died." Her brow furrowed, she nodded but said nothing. "We never made promises to each other, Sarah," he continued. "I would never dream of holding you to anything unless–"

Daniel stopped abruptly, realizing what he was about to say and how terribly this could turn out. But Sarah's eyes widened in alarm, and she shook her head. "I couldn't possibly," she said, and she suddenly dropped her gaze to the ground. "Not now."

Considerably relieved, Daniel allowed himself a smile, and he lifted her chin gently. "I understand. I would encourage you not to do anything drastic now. There are people in Atalan who are willing and able to help you, if you wish them to."

"Are you one of them, Daniel?" she asked.

He told her yes, but the truth of the matter was that he did not know what good he could do.

* * *

  
As a knight in the service of the queen, John had the right to eat in the dining hall provided for the nobility of the royal court, but since the autumn he had avoided the place religiously. Too many of the nobles in Atalan still looked askance at him because of his Caldoran birthright, and he feared his temper would snap at some point in the face of their prejudice. It was safer, and far more comfortable, for him to eat with the soldiers and guardsmen in their barracks. For those men, the only necessary virtues were experience and willingness to serve, and since he had saved the queen's life so that she could reach her throne, he encountered few difficulties there.

What Rodney McKay was doing eating in this place rather than the public dining hall was something of a mystery, until John noticed he was seated with Captain Pendergast. A number of the younger men were listening avidly to Pendergast's recounting of an old naval skirmish. McKay appeared more interested in his food, so John settled opposite him at the table.

McKay glanced at him and nodded, not pausing in his eating. John smothered a smile. Rodney had certainly not changed in John's time away.

The months he had spent with the Athosians on the mainland had been productive ones. He was grateful to be of real use to Lady Teyla and her people, and there was a certain peace in the village. Yet over the last three weeks, John had found himself growing more and more eager to return to Atlantis.

The last four years, he had never settled long in any one place, but something about this restlessness felt different. It was not his normal urge to keep moving. He had missed the palace, the great spires and the balconies and parapets sprinkled liberally around the towers. He had missed Captain Lorne's dry humor, Kate and Laura and their vastly different personalities and deep friendship. He had missed Doctor Beckett's curiosity and yes, even Rodney's incessant chattering.

He had missed Elizabeth. He had not realized how much until they were face to face again. Her genuine smile of welcome upon his return had made his face grow hot. Even though he would have said nothing remarkable had occurred during his stay in Athos, he found himself telling her even the tiny details of the past two months.

Every time he made her laugh, his heart lightened with relief. He could see from the lines on her young face that the stress of court business had not made life easy for her, even though no great emergencies had arisen over the winter. At least, none that he knew of.

Pendergast reached the end of his tale. John looked at the old captain. If he lived to be that age, perhaps he would find himself retelling stories of battles and war, but for now, he had no wish to dwell on memories which still haunted his dreams occasionally.

Pendergast glanced at him. "Sir John."

"Captain."

"Do you know how long you will be staying here in Atlantis?"

Caught off guard, John shrugged. "I am at the queen's service. I imagine I shall stay until she finds employment for me."

"Or grows weary of you," Rodney put in with a smirk. John narrowed his eyes as some of the other men chuckled.

The captain ignored them. "Young Lady Kate tells me you spent time on a merchant ship."

John nodded. "Indeed. It was over two years ago. I was aboard her for above four months."

Pendergast grew thoughtful. "I wonder if you would be willing to help me, then, Sir John? The weather grows milder by the day-" Here he paused as John raised a disbelieving eyebrow. He chuckled. "Warm weather will be upon us soon enough, and when it arrives, I will need to find crewmen for her Majesty's new ships. While many of the coastal villagers have experience on the water, few of them have been on larger ships."

He turned that over in his mind. He was hardly a skilled sailor, but Pendergast was already bearing a heavy burden overseeing the shipyards and construction. He would need someone familiar with the basic workings of a ship to evaluate the new men.

"They will need to know how to fight, as well, or be trained before they put to sea," Rodney added thoughtfully. John bristled slightly, but as usual with Rodney, he was more concerned with the facts than with making veiled insinuations.

John gave another shrug. "I would be pleased to offer you any assistance, Captain, so long as the queen approves."

Pendergast gave a gruff nod. John returned to his meal, thinking to himself that this task would probably keep him in Atlantis for some weeks.

* * *

  
Elizabeth was visibly unhappy with Daniel when he reported the lack of progress he had made with Sarah. Kate had attempted to reason with the queen, saying that Sarah needed time to adjust to her freedom, but while it was plain to Jack that Elizabeth understood such things, she was also frustrated. Kinsey had hinted and intimated and insinuated that if the Goa'uld were to strike – and with him it was an eventuality, not a possibility – Elizabeth would not be able to handle such a crisis. She was desperate to prove him wrong in the very circumstance he had predicted, and to do so she needed information.

Already, that was the theme of Elizabeth's rule.

After dinner, Jack had followed Daniel to his private quarters, where he watched his friend drink an entire glass of brandy before sitting down. "I don't know what to do with her, Jack," Daniel confessed. "I don't know her."

"The lady needs time to find herself again," Jack began, but Daniel cut him off.

"No, I mean I don't know her and never did." He rubbed his face with both hands. "I could count on one hand the number of times we have met. Those meetings did not even foster a friendship. All we knew was that we did not hate each other."

"Which I suppose would be useful."

Daniel shot him a look, and Jack tried to look apologetic for the sarcasm.

"I don't know what to do to help her, Jack," Daniel said. "It is most strange to have this connection to her – that she would have been the Duchess of Langford now – and yet not know her at all. I cannot help but pity her, but that does not help me understand her. Nor does it help the queen."

The conversation resolved nothing, and when Jack finally left his head was hurting. He turned down a corridor, headed to his own room, and heard a tell-tale bark that made him want to flee. But before he could escape, he saw that Elizabeth's white puppy had found yet another person to love and adore her. Lady Sarah was kneeling down near a window and scratching Sedge behind the ears.

"I see that animal has lured you in too," Jack remarked while still a few feet away.

Sarah looked up, startled, but seemed to relax a little upon seeing him. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"That is the queen's pet," he explained. "Given to her at Solstice by a knight who managed to outshine the rest of us with his gift. She is charming and knows it, and uses it to great advantage in the palace."

Sarah smiled, giving Sedge one last pat and standing. Sedge trotted over to Jack, sniffed at his boot, and walked away. "Apparently I do not smell as indulging as a lady," he said, drawing a little laugh from Sarah.

The laughter surprised him, in fact. Daniel had not said as much, but Jack had surmised that Sarah had lost her composure in a very different manner earlier. The woman had been in the palace for no more than twelve hours, and already she had him confused. Jack did not know what to make of her yet, and he was one of the very few in the country who would have some inkling of what she had been through in the clutches of a Goa'uld. Even Daniel, with all his experience with the lords of that fractured realm, did not have Jack's more direct experience with the Goa'uld.

But that might not be enough. Despite the smile and laugh he had provoked, Jack could see that Sarah had been hurt very deeply, in ways she had not yet begun to express.

The lady sobered and looked at him critically. "Did the duke report his conversation with me to the queen?" she asked. He attempted to look innocent in the matter, but she shook her head. "You are not a fool, Lord Jonathan, and pretending to be one does not become you."

Jack smiled wryly. "It did when I was a younger man," he replied. "You did not tell Lord Daniel anything of interest to the queen."

"What does she wish to know that she will not ask me?"

With a small sigh, he offered Sarah his arm, and they began to walk down the corridor together. "The queen has many burdens," he explained, feeling a little awkward about it. "She is young, and there are some in the country who do not feel her capable for the task ahead. She is rebuilding the navy, and we have been hearing since the coronation of a possible Goa'uld attack. She has made some mistakes already and is still paying for them."

"Might one of those mistakes explain why she knows so much about Caldoran geography?" Sarah asked quietly.

Jack was rather impressed by her deduction. Daniel had told him that she had always struck him as an intelligent person. "You probably don't remember him," he said, "but the gentleman who caught you when you fainted upon your arrival is Caldoran. He did the queen a great service and she knighted him for it."

Sarah looked a little disbelieving. "And what did the college of lords have to say to that?"

"I think you can probably imagine that." Jack paused for a moment. "My lady, there is something I have wanted to ask you ever since Lord Daniel identified you."

It was slight, but he could feel her tense in preparation. "What do you wish to know, my lord?" she asked, her voice lowering to a delicate volume.

"How did you escape?" he asked directly. "I have known a few who escaped the Goa'uld, but they were all men, and sometimes they had to kill."

Sarah looked down, her lips pressed tightly together. "Please, sir," she replied, "please. It has been ten years since I felt safe, and I am only just remembering what it is like to be free. Please, do not make me answer that today."

Slowly, Jack nodded. She had not refused entirely, and it would not harm anyone if he waited till morning.

Something else had piqued her curiosity. "You have known others who escaped?" she asked. When he nodded again, she added, "Lady Laura said to me today that. . . that this would get easier."

"I do not know what experience she could possibly draw upon," Jack remarked, thinking of his own time at war in various parts of the world, "but I believe I would agree with her. The memories will never go away, but they may become easier to bear."

They began to walk again in silence. When they reached her door, she did not open it immediately. "I have found myself living on hope for ten years," Sarah said. "It seems that I must rely upon it a little longer."

"You've had a big day," Jack replied, though he felt a little out of his league in offering comfort to her. "Perhaps in the morning things will be clearer."

On an impulse he took her hand and kissed it formally. The gesture startled her so much that he almost regretted doing it. But then she composed herself and took a deep breath. "Thank you, Lord Jonathan," she said.

"Good night, Lady Sarah."

She slipped into her room and Jack walked away from her door. If the next few days yielded nothing else, they would at least be interesting.

* * *

  
Elizabeth still had some reports to read when she retired to her chambers, which was not an uncommon occurrence. Laura had excused herself much earlier – with the wedding fast approaching there were always things to draw her away – and thus Elizabeth was alone with Kate. She was a little surprised that Kate was still there. Throughout the winter Kate had spent much of her time attempting to keep Laura sane through all the wedding preparations, but quite often it was Marcus Lorne who divided her attentions from Elizabeth.

There was a soft knock on the door, and Elizabeth looked up from her lengthy reading on expected fruit harvests in eastern Atalan. "Come," she said, and Marcus entered.

"My lady, Kate," he greeted, nodding to both of them. "May I have a moment of your time?"

"Certainly," Elizabeth replied, setting aside her reading all too eagerly. After her earlier conversation with her cousin, her work was not helping her mood. "How can I help you?"

"I need to know where you intend to travel this summer," he said. "Each location will have to be surveyed and secured before you arrive. I could begin this process now if you know the first few places you will be visiting."

"Of course," she said. "I'm sure you know that Prince Radek has invited me to Iolan. At the moment I intend to go there first." She did not add that a Goa'uld invasion would keep her in the country indefinitely, but then, a Goa'uld invasion would likely keep her locked up in Atlantis anyway.

Marcus nodded. "I met the lieutenant of Prince Radek's guard when he was here for the coronation," he replied. "I can coordinate with him."

Elizabeth rose and crossed the room to open a small chest as she talked. "After that, I fear my choice of locations to visit will be dictated primarily by geography and politics," she said, producing a stack of letters. "I have been invited by nearly every member of the college of lords to visit their lands. I think I shall be lucky to pass through a quarter of them, let alone spend any considerable time there."

The captain smiled a little. "There will be other tours."

"Perhaps you could inform them of that."

On the other side of the room, Kate laughed. Marcus looked at her and smiled.

"I will visit Langford," Elizabeth continued. "I have long wished to see my mother's home."

Marcus nodded again. "Hammond is not far from there," he prompted.

Elizabeth smiled wistfully. "As much as I would like to, perhaps I should not show so much favor to those who are already my friends."

"Of course, my lady. Is there any other place you are set on?"

Elizabeth had thought to pass through Kate's and Laura's respective homes that they might see their families, but had not even discussed it with them. "I believe you will have occupation enough preparing for my visit to Iolan," she said. "I will settle the rest of the trip with my advisors in the coming days and give you the list then."

"Very well," he replied. "Do you have anything you wish to discuss with me?"

Elizabeth smiled. "No, not at this time."

"Then I will take my leave of you for the evening," he said with a bow. Elizabeth nodded to him, but he did not leave right away. He walked over to Kate, who rose, and he kissed her. Elizabeth was so surprised by this that she forgot to look away.

As they bade each other good night, she had the sense to feign deep interest in the letters of invitation still in her hand. When Marcus was gone, she looked up and saw that Kate's cheeks were flushed. Elizabeth smiled a little wickedly. "So this has progressed to him kissing you in front of your queen?" she teased.

"In front of my best friend," Kate corrected. "I am weary of hiding my affection for him."

Elizabeth settled down at the table again. "You never hid it very well," she said dryly.

Kate blushed further but did not attempt to deny that.

A few minutes later, they were interrupted again, this time by Laura. "Look who I found," she announced upon her arrival. Elizabeth heard the barking before Sedge came bounding at her, but when she looked up at the door again, she was surprised to see who stood behind Laura. "Sir John," she said, absently rubbing Sedge's neck.

"My lady, may I?" he asked, gesturing at the doorway.

Elizabeth nodded, and he followed Laura in, closing the door behind him. She could not help but think of the last time he'd been in this room, the morning of her coronation. It was somewhat remarkable how much had changed in those few months. John shifted his weight. "Captain Pendergast spoke to me today," he said. "He is in need of someone to assist him in recruiting sailors to man your new ships, as well as training them in both seafaring and fighting. Kate had informed him that I spent some time aboard a merchant vessel, so he has asked me to help him."

Elizabeth had been in the room when Kate had passed that information to Pendergast, so she did not have to think about his request for this employment. Instead, she remembered her conference that afternoon with Sarah Gardner, and how the reported army could attack Caldora as easily as it could Atalan. So far only the people who had been in that room knew anything about the army, and Elizabeth's impulse was to tell John about it. After all, his homeland was in danger.

But something did not feel right. The information had not yet been confirmed, so she decided to hold her tongue on the matter.

"If Captain Pendergast believes you will be useful, by all means, assist him," she replied instead, then grinned slightly. "I know how you detest idleness."

He smiled and bowed his head. "Thank you, my lady. I bid you good night."

Elizabeth nodded to him, and he departed. By then Sedge had settled down at her feet, keeping her toes toasty warm. Laura got up and stoked the fire. "I'm surprised you didn't tell him about the Goa'uld," she said.

Elizabeth tried to turn her attention back to the reading on fruit harvests, though she suspected that was a lost cause. "What I have been told has not been confirmed," she replied neutrally.

"That is your only reason not to tell him?" Kate asked.

"It would be cruel not to," Elizabeth said. "If the Goa'uld do attack Caldora, his homeland will be the most likely to suffer great harm."

"I suppose that is true," Kate replied, and she did not press the issue.

But the rest of the night, it bothered Elizabeth.

* * *

  
The next morning, Elizabeth was abnormally quiet as she readied herself for the day ahead. Kate thought at first that she was still irritated by the previous day's events, but soon it occurred to her that the queen was actually displaying some amount of contrition for having been irritated with Daniel the evening before, after he had failed to get the information she needed from Lady Sarah. Kate did not mean to think ill of her friend, but it was something of a rare occurrence.

When Daniel and Jack arrived for the morning conference, Elizabeth remained standing, fidgeting a little with her hands. "Before we begin, gentlemen," she said, "I feel I owe an apology to Lord Daniel." She was not looking at him.

"Cousin-" Daniel began.

"No, it was wrong of me to expect you to accomplish this so quickly," she interrupted. "And it was foolish of me to believe that you could do so in such a short span of time, after so much has happened to the lady."

He nodded in understanding and Elizabeth took her seat, and the rest followed suit. "It is still important that you know how she escaped," Daniel said. "I should speak with her again and glean what information I can."

"Actually, your Majesty," Jack put in. It was the first time he'd spoken since he'd arrived. "I happened to speak with Lady Sarah last night."

Kate shot a surreptitious glance at Laura. After John had left the previous night, Laura had explained that she had found Sedge loitering in a corridor, and at the other end of it she had heard Jack speaking with someone she could not identify. Elizabeth looked surprised to learn that Jack had been speaking with Sarah. "Indeed?" she prompted.

Jack nodded. "We spoke for a few minutes. I am not sure why, but I think she trusts me." Elizabeth's eyes narrowed as she took this in. "I did ask her how she escaped, but she asked me for time to settle here before she tells that part of her story."

"Do you believe she will tell you?" Elizabeth asked.

"She might," Jack replied. "I explained to her my time with the victims of the Goa'uld. She seemed to take some comfort from the fact that others have escaped the same plight."

"It is not the same," Laura abruptly said. Everyone else in the room looked at her in surprise, as she and Kate normally did not go beyond observation during these meetings. "It is not," she repeated. "I know that Teal'c suffered under the hands of his oppressors, but I sincerely doubt that he was forced into anyone's bed."

A hard look came over Jack's face, and he opened his mouth to respond. But he glanced at Elizabeth first. Her lips were pressed together and she looked distressed, so he held his tongue. Kate wondered what he was thinking. She knew abstractly that there were many horrors in the life of any slave, but she also understood Laura's perspective. Laura was about to be married, about to give herself freely to a man who adored her. Kate could not imagine what it would be like to be sixteen years old and taken unwillingly as wife of a man who had killed her parents and kidnapped her.

Elizabeth did not encourage further discussion on the subject, however. "We have done what we can with Lady Sarah's information," she said. "We have sent a warning to Caldora, and we have sent word to our own troops wintering near the border. I do not think anything remains to be done, at least in that regard."

"Then let this be your first lesson in war, your Majesty," Jack said. "Sometimes the only thing you can do is wait."

Kate resisted the urge to smile. Waiting had never been Elizabeth's greatest strength.

The queen nodded anyway. "In the meantime," she said, "I would like to know that the lady is comfortable here, until such time as she decides what she wishes to do."

"She will be," Daniel assured her.

Elizabeth rose then, and Daniel excused himself. Jack lingered, though, and turned his attention to Laura. "You are an intelligent woman, Laura," he said, "but you are young. All three of you are young. I understand that the idea of being forced into such a marriage is a frightening one to a young woman, but I have fought in wars. I have seen good men hacked to death alongside evil men, and I have seen the slavery of the Goa'uld for myself. I have seen men forced to do things so terrible that the guilt of it becomes a living torment. Believe me when I say there are fates worse than whatever you imagine Sarah's to have been. Things for which death would be a mercy."

Jack departed then, leaving the girls alone. Laura sat down and said nothing. Kate had observed long ago that Jack was probably the only man in court who could subdue Laura like this. In some ways, the two were much alike, and Jack had learned how to deal with her when others had written her off.

Elizabeth was quiet too, but while that was not uncommon, Kate found the silence a little uncomfortable. "So," she said, "now we know who Lord Jack's mysterious companion was last night."

The queen looked a little amused, and a devilish smile formed on Laura's face. "Indeed," she replied. "I wonder what will happen when the gossips of the court learn about this."

Elizabeth was taken aback. "Laura, surely you would not –"

"Of course not, my lady," Laura said. "But if I saw him, it is likely someone else did too. Jack has been the subject of every idle gossip's tongue for years now. Now they have a shred of what some people might call evidence."

Kate looked at Elizabeth, who was shaking her head. "Oh, that poor man."

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Whispers were abundant throughout the corridors of the palace the moment John left his quarters in the morning. As he walked along, he could hear low-toned conversations, but for once, none of the nobles or servants seemed to be casting furtive looks in his direction.

He passed along through the various groups, intent on making his way to the soldiers' barracks to join the other knights for breakfast, and as he did so, John strained to hear anything that was being said. All John was able to catch was something about Lord Jonathan and a companion.

Just before he reached the barracks, a door opened and he saw Doctor Beckett and Captain Pendergast step out into the hallway, apparently ending a conversation. He nodded as he approached them, intending to pass them by, but the captain stopped him.

"Sir John," he said. "Lady Samantha informed me that her Majesty has agreed to you rendering assistance in the training of our sailors."

John nodded. "Yes, sir. Let me know when you are ready to begin."

"It will be soon," Pendergast informed him. "The Pegasus will be done soon enough and the Prometheus isn't far behind her. I think her first duty will be to help us train the new recruits." He then turned toward Carson. "Thank you for the advice, Doctor. I will keep it in mind."

"You're most welcome, Captain," the doctor replied. John stood in silence as Pendergast shuffled down the hallway. When the older man was gone, Carson sighed. "Well," he said tiredly, "I suppose I should return to the tailors." John cocked his head inquisitively and Carson elaborated, "They are still doing measurements for that extravagant costume Laura's mother insists that I wear."

"I see," John said after a moment. He smirked slightly. "I take it the planning for your nuptials is proving cumbersome?"

The doctor made a sour face. "I am beginning to see why Laura has been maintaining that we should have eloped. All of these preparations are indeed rather wearisome."

"I wish I could offer you some comforting advice, but I fear that weddings are far outside my realm of experience."

"Not for long, it seems," Carson said. "And given that both her Majesty and Lady Kate are also of marriageable age, I imagine that we will see them both wed within the next few years." He grinned. "You have seen how we Atalanians celebrate the winter solstice, Sir John. Soon enough you'll see how we celebrate marriage."

John nodded and followed Carson as they began walking toward the soldiers' barracks. "Is the ceremony so unusual?" he asked curiously, wondering if there were great differences from Caldora's customs.

Carson shrugged. "Well, I can't say that our ceremony is unusual, as it is the only kind that I have ever witnessed. There is always a priest who performs the ceremony for the bride and groom, usually one who is known to both of them." He grinned. "I've asked Master Hermiod to perform the ceremony for us, since he is one of the ordained priests of the Asgard order and he knows Laura and me well."

John laughed. "Yes, Master Hermiod knows Lady Laura very well. She's certainly teased him often enough to the point where -"

"Yes, yes," the doctor sighed, amusement rippling through him. "Laura is exceptional at exasperating him and the other members of his order, but I am certain that they are fond of her anyway. Master Thor has known her since she was a little girl."

The din coming from the dining hall had been growing steadily louder as they approached, so John did not get a chance to respond. His grin was still present, though. He had a feeling that Laura's behavior as a child was not all that different from her behavior as a young lady.

* * *

Sarah was mostly left to herself for the next two days. Daniel did talk with her a few times, but with all the official business going on, he did not have much time to spare, even for an old friend. He did, however, recommend to Jack that he not badger Sarah for answers. Jack suspected that the lady was less delicate than that, but out of respect to his friend he kept his distance.

On her third day in Atlantis, Sarah went looking for him. Jack was in his private study when a servant knocked and showed her in. Her sudden appearance surprised him, but he was not surprised by the uncertain look on her face. "My lady," he said, rising.

"Forgive me," she replied. "I have disturbed you in some work."

Jack shook his head. "A letter from my son," he explained, gesturing at the papers he had set aside upon her entrance. Charles was at the family estate, and since coming of age he had taken upon himself much of the management of the place. "He has good news for you, in fact. The watchmen in the mountains have spotted this army you reported."

Sarah clasped her hands above her waist, looking disturbed. "I would be happy to be proved wrong, Lord Jonathan. Surely you did not think that I wish to be right more than I wish for my country's safety," she said slowly, and once she had spoken a look of realization crossed her pretty features. "You did not believe me. Or you did, but suspected me of some foul play anyway."

"Look," Jack began, meaning to deny it, but he thought better of it. "Lady Sarah, all we know of you now is that you spent the last ten years among the Goa'uld."

She looked away and sank into a nearby chair. "So I have finally made my way home," she replied, "to find that I have no home."

Jack was confused for a moment, before he realized that she was afraid. Afraid that she had come to a place of safety, only to discover that she might never be trusted. He moved the chair from his desk closer to where Sarah sat. But nothing appropriate came to mind, and he simply stared at her until she stared back. He had never feared a pointed silence, awkward or otherwise, and when he did not know what to say he thought it better to say nothing, rather than offer the empty platitudes of a babbling tongue.

In the end it was Sarah who spoke first. "Does not the queen need to be informed of your son's news?" she asked.

"It can wait," Jack replied. "There is nothing in his letter which would tell which way the Goa'uld will go, and I would be surprised if the queen had not had official word from the watchmen today."

"And. . . is your son well?"

"He is," he said. "He wishes I had not left Neill so early, but he always does."

After another moment, Jack began to laugh softly. Sarah looked alarmed. "What?"

"I was just thinking," Jack replied, shaking his head. "My wife's name was Sarah. You could not be any more different than her. Except that she was fair, and so are you."

Sarah blushed at the unexpected compliment, and Jack imagined that she had not heard an honest word about her prettiness in quite some time. He was glad of the reaction he provoked, for it made her look more human and less like terrified prey.

It set her a little more at ease, too, and she took a deep breath. "Do you still wish to know how I escaped?" she asked.

Jack nodded. It was what he most wanted to know.

"Very well," she said, composing herself with the same dispassionate expression he had seen before when she spoke of her recent past. "When the army came through Osiris' territory, so did a man named Malek. I believe he was a Tok'ra spy. He learned I was from Atalan somehow, and he helped me escape, as far as the headwaters of the Mearali. He told me then that his intention was to return to his home."

Jack turned the information over in his mind and nodded again. "Thank you."

She rose, exuding nervousness with every slight motion, and excused herself from his study. When she was gone, he rubbed his face and sighed. He had given her time, and she had given him an answer.

Now, he reflected, he just had to get her to give him the truth.

* * *

"You are certain, then, that she has lied to you?"

The queen was pacing in her private audience chamber, which made it all the more difficult for Jack to stand still in her presence. Only he and Daniel were with her. "I am," he replied. "A good liar she's not."

"You pushed her into this, didn't you, Jack?" Daniel demanded. "I told you not to badger her, and you did anyway."

"I did nothing of the sort, Daniel," Jack said, eyeing the other man coldly. "I hadn't spoken to her since the day she got here. She came to me."

"Did you ask her for this information this time?" Elizabeth asked. "She might have seen it as pressure, since the last time you spoke with her, you asked her."

Jack shook his head. "No. She volunteered it."

"She offered the information and then lied to you," Elizabeth said. "That is curious."

"To be fair to her," Jack replied, "I believe what she told me was true, but that she left out something. Something serious."

The queen stopped her pacing, skimming her hands over the back of a chair. "When I was very young," she said, her voice soft, "my father caught me in a half-truth such as that, and he told me then that telling only some of the truth is as bad as telling all of a lie." She stood up a little straighter then and took a more royal tone in her voice. "So far we believe the information she brought us, as it has been confirmed by our own sentries at the border. In the absence of any other evidence, we will continue to extend her our hospitality."

Jack glanced at Daniel, who seemed relieved as he nodded to his cousin. "As you wish, Majesty," he said.

Elizabeth then looked at him. "Cousin, I wish to have a private word with Lord Jonathan," she said softly.

Daniel frowned, but did not argue with her. Once he was gone, Elizabeth came around to stand directly in front of Jack. "Does she trust you?" she asked bluntly.

"Are you asking me to glean more information from her?" he asked in response.

"Yes and no." At Jack's dubious look, Elizabeth explained, "With this information from the watchmen in the mountains, I find it less likely that the manner of her escape will bode ill for us. But I also find it treacherous to leave stones unturned."

"Much as it pains me to admit it, Daniel is not wrong," Jack replied. "She has obviously been through some trauma. Certainly she has wounds still in need of healing."

She nodded. "I understand. This is not an urgent request, but I want you to find out. If it is indeed information I need, you will tell me, but if it is not, we will not speak of this again. Though I may burn with curiosity."

She smiled just a little with her final words, and it seemed to Jack to be a good proposition. "She knows we have suspected her," he said anyway. "Or at least that I did."

"Then make amends, Jack," Elizabeth replied. "I cannot imagine that she would not forgive you. From what you and Daniel have said, she has seemed somewhat starved for companionship."

"That she has," Jack agreed. "I will do what I can."

Elizabeth smiled sincerely. "Thank you."

* * *

Jack's next move, however, was not to talk to Sarah again, but to Sir Jacob Carter. The ambassador to the Tok'ra had been in Atlantis since Solstice, an unusually long time for him, and he was beginning his preparations for a journey back to the Tok'ra capital. He would be leaving before the week was out. When Jack arrived, the older man was packing a trunk, and his daughter Samantha was helping him.

"Jack," Jacob said, looking up from the trunk. "What brings you here?"

"Official business, I'm afraid," Jack replied, then glanced at Sam. "Could you give us a moment?"

Sam looked surprised, but didn't object. "McKay is probably wondering where I am," she said. "Father, will I see you for supper tonight?"

"Count on it," Jacob replied, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

She nodded at Jack and exited, while Jacob settled himself into a chair. "How can I help you, Jack?" he said.

"The queen has me dealing with Sarah Gardner," Jack explained, walking over to the window to sit on the low, deep sill. "This afternoon the lady told me some part of her escape from the Goa'uld."

Jacob shook his head. "You know you're more experienced with them than I am. How can I help?"

"She said she was helped in her escape by a man named Malek. She believed him to be a Tok'ra spy," Jack replied.

There was a moment of silence, and Jacob appeared stunned by this. At length he sighed. "I am not privy to everything the Tok'ra do," he replied, "even though we are allies. They have a long history of espionage, and they are very good at it. I have difficulty believing that a Tok'ra spy would let anyone learn his identity, even if he was helping her to escape the Goa'uld."

"That is what I suspected," Jack said.

"Was that all she told you?" Jacob asked. "That seems strange."

"More or less." Jack shrugged. "You could talk with her if you like."

"That's not a bad idea," said Jacob. "I should get a description of this man so I can ask about him when I get back. It's unlikely that he told her his real name."

Jack got to his feet. "Well, let's go."

"What, now?"

Jack waved at the door. "We might as well ask her as soon as possible."

Jacob looked around at his belongings and rose from his chair. "All right, all right."

They found Sarah a quarter of an hour later, near the queen's library. She seemed surprised to see them and more so that they were looking for her, but when they asked her to step inside the library with them she did so without question.

"Lady Sarah, this is Sir Jacob Carter," Jack explained as the three took seats around a small reading table.

She nodded at Jacob. "It is good to meet you, sir."

Jacob smiled kindly. "My lady, I am the queen's ambassador to the Tok'ra," he said. "My friend Jack tells me you believe you encountered a Tok'ra spy."

Sarah looked at Jack quickly. "What is it you wish to know?"

"The Tok'ra would not send a spy without a reason," Jack said. "You seemed to indicate that he did not follow the army to its destination. Was he in Osiris' company long?"

"At least a month," Sarah replied. "He came before the army. That force was in the province for a fortnight while Osiris debated how many of his own troops he would send with them. A week later I –" She stopped abruptly and swallowed. "Malek helped me to escape."

"Why wait a week?" Jacob asked. "I'm curious."

She looked down at her hands, and she bit at her lip before answering. "I don't know how much you know of the internal dealings of the Goa'uld," she replied carefully. "The whole country is a fragile web of alliances. Osiris was in the service of Anubis, and. . . I assumed the Goa'uld army was going to attack Atalan for a reason. They had an associate, a man named Lord Simmons. Six months ago the three of them were talking about a plan for dealing with Atalan."

"A plan for dealing with Atalan?" Jacob repeated. "What kind of. . ."

He trailed off as Sarah shook her head. "I'm sorry, sir. It was only by chance that I heard that much."

Jacob looked at Jack, and Jack frowned. Six months earlier Elizabeth would have died had it not been for John of Sheppard. They had privately all concluded that Robert Kinsey had been behind the attempt on her life, but there had been no proof of it. Could it be that they had been so focused on Kinsey that they had missed some evidence of outsiders attempting to kill the young monarch? Without an heir, Elizabeth's death could have sent Atalan into a freefall, leaving the country ripe for takeover.

Then Jacob gently redirected the conversation to the matter of the Tok'ra. "Can you describe the man who helped you escape?" he asked. "I doubt he gave you his real name, but when I return to my duties I will want to thank him for returning one of Atalan's nobility to her homeland."

"I fear there was not much distinguishing about him," Sarah replied. "He was tall, and had brown hair. A clean-shaved face. He was handsome, but not striking."

"No scars?" Jack prompted. "No birthmarks that you could see?"

Sarah shook her head. "I'm afraid that in that respect, he made the perfect spy."

"Well," Jacob said, "I will do what I can. I had word today from a friend in the Tok'ra court, so it is possible that he has some relevant news. It would have taken you much longer to get from the Mearali Pass to Atlantis than this Malek to the Tok'ra capital."

Jacob stood then and thanked Sarah for her time before leaving the library. Once they were alone, Sarah looked at Jack with her eyes wide. He thought he saw guilt in her expression, and he wondered if his own pity for her was as easy to see.

Still, the queen's request was still ringing in his ears. He had to make amends before he could learn anything else.

"Dine with me tonight," he blurted out. At her alarmed expression, he added, "That was less abrupt when I was thinking about it."

One corner of her mouth curved upward, and he repeated, "Dine with me tonight. You were right this morning. I had suspicions about you, and I wish to start again."

"And weather the storm of rumors this will produce?" she said, now smiling fully.

"I'm an unmarried man, Sarah," he replied. "I gave up on gossips long ago."

* * *

Elizabeth stood at the window of her study at sunset, watching water drip off the icicles that had formed on the eaves not long after Solstice. She had done this since she was a girl, but now as she did she was listening to her secretary talking about her next day's schedule. It was a little depressing that spring was coming and she only had the opportunity to welcome it in passing.

"And after that Lord Jonathan wishes to speak with you about the defenses at the southern border," Peter was concluding. "Some of the lords have heard rumors of today's news and are already coming to him with concerns."

Elizabeth smiled slightly and turned away from the window. "The messenger arrived from the border eight hours ago, if that long, and already someone has learned of it?" she asked. "Someday I shall direct my guards to find all the secret hiding places in this castle that I may stop up the gossips' tongues." She took a seat at her table and gestured to Peter to sit as well. "Did Jack specify where along the southern border?"

Peter shook his head. "Not to me, but I would assume it would be along the border with the Goa'uld."

"Perhaps, but perhaps not," Elizabeth replied, narrowing her eyes. "The Mearali Pass is certainly the easiest to traverse now, but if the Goa'uld were to attack Caldora and overrun her, the easiest point of entry would be to the east, where the mountains are less steep and easier to cross with an army."

Peter set his notes on his lap and looked at her curiously. "Is that why we've never formally gone to war with Caldora, your Majesty?" he asked. "Is it simply not worth the effort to drag an army over the mountains?"

She shrugged. "I cannot answer for my ancestors, but that may be part of it," she replied. "It has been centuries since we had reason to make war with Caldora." She sighed a little, wishing Peter had not mentioned Caldora. Over the course of the last few months, Peter had become more than just a secretary to her – she considered him a friend now as well – but he had not entirely learned how to read her. Still, he was one of the few people in the palace privy to such information who was not obligated to advise her in an official capacity, and she already had Kate and Laura's opinions on this matter. "These past few days have been difficult for me, Peter," she said. "Every time I see Sir John, I want to tell him Sarah's news. At first I convinced myself that I should not because we had no confirmation of it."

"And now?" Peter prompted.

"I feel that I should tell him, yet that I cannot," Elizabeth said. "Legally he has no right to know, but it seems... cold and spiteful not to tell him, when it is his family which could be in the most danger."

Peter looked at her sympathetically, but it was not the same way Laura or even level-headed Kate would have looked at her. They had been with her when John had saved Elizabeth's life, had witnessed the aftermath of the revelation of John's identity, had watched their infant friendship heal and grow again. Peter had come to Atlantis more recently, and he was not prone to side with her emotions because he was her friend.

"I fear I must side with protocol on this question," he said slowly. "You know how far you can trust him, but sometimes such things are out of your control. Perhaps it is best if you keep him uninformed for the time being."

Elizabeth nodded, taking this in. What Peter was not mentioning was Kinsey's faction within the college, the faction that had been steadily weakening since her coronation, with the exception of the scandal surrounding John's true origins. If they were to find out that she had trusted a foreigner – a Caldoran, no less – with such sensitive information before divulging it to her own noblemen, that would only strengthen Kinsey and his allies once more. And that she could not allow. The previous autumn she had made a mistake and Kinsey had forced her into publicly admitting it.

This time, she would permit no room for error, even if holding her tongue meant hurting her friend. Atalan had to come first.

* * *

When Sir Jacob Carter left Atlantis, Elizabeth made a point to walk with him to his carriage, even though that was usually the province of his daughter. Samantha, however, was desperately busy and Jacob had gone to her to say farewell, so it was Elizabeth who walked alongside him.

"I will alert you as soon as we know something from the border," she said quietly, not wishing to be overheard. "Though with the Tok'ra and their spies, perhaps you will know first."

Jacob smiled. "It is possible," he replied. "And of course I will keep you abreast of any developments that I learn of."

Elizabeth nodded. "Jack told me this would be my first lesson in war."

"Indeed?"

"You know I have never taken well to waiting."

Jacob chuckled softly. "Your father had no patience. He always hoped you would take after your mother in that regard."

Elizabeth's hand tightened on his arm unconsciously. "I find myself wishing he was here, Sir Jacob," she said. "Or that he had lived just a little longer, that he might have had more time to teach me what to do now."

They stopped at the gate, and Jacob faced her. "You may be the very image of your dear mother, but you are your father's child, through and through," he said. "King Edmund would have been as anxious about this as you are. There is no easy answer."

That was little comfort. "You are forgetting an important difference between my father and myself," she replied. "He led his men in battle. Whether it is now or in a year or in ten years, I will have no choice but to send them."

Jacob looked down and placed his hand over hers. "Your Majesty, I was there when your father made the decision to stand up and fight the Ori rather than surrender our country's liberty," he said gently. "Do not think for a moment that the decision was easier because he put himself in harm's way as well."

Elizabeth nodded, frowning. "I miss him."

"As do I, my lady," Jacob replied. "But he would be proud of you. You've accomplished so much already."

She smiled sadly. "I wish you a safe journey, Sir Jacob."

He bowed formally and kissed her hand. "I wish you peace, Queen Elizabeth."

Elizabeth watched him walk to his carriage, but she could not tarry much longer than that. She had too much to do.

* * *

Word had gone out to the villages and towns throughout the realm that the royal navy was seeking able-bodied sailors and soldiers to man the new vessels. John was not privy to the conversations about how many men were needed, or how to pay and equip them. The task before him was simple. Meet the men, interview them, and make recommendations regarding which might be suited for the more complex duties and which were not. Captain Pendergast would make the final decisions, along with the other existing officers of the navy who would arrive to help with the recruiting.

Knowing the limits of his responsibilities did not make John any less nervous as he approached one of the empty fields near the palace where the first collection of applicants had been assembled. As soon as the first hints of thaw had been felt, a trickle of men had begun to arrive in Atlantis, and Pendergast believed those numbers would swell with the warmer weather.

John hoped that Pendergast was right, as the task gave him something to do on the island and was a sufficient distraction from things going on in the palace. He knew something major was happening – Sarah Gardner's abrupt appearance was testament enough to that – but it was obviously of no concern to him.

He climbed up onto a bench in the yard, taking the sheaf of papers that had the names of the arrivals. Then he glanced over the small group.

They were young, some of them possibly younger than the queen herself. He had been younger when he had been thrown into the world of war and danger, but he felt saddened as he looked out at the boys standing there in the chilly morning. How many of them would meet a violent end in battle somewhere?

"Gentlemen! Your attention. I am Sir John, and her Majesty Queen Elizabeth has charged me with evaluating your fitness for service. When I call your name, please step forward."

The first ones were nervous and stuttering over their answers to his questions about their birthplace and training. The third was a tall youth with short hair and dark eyes who was attempting to project an air of great confidence, looking slyly about at his fellow when John called his name. "Birthplace?"

"Demlin, sir."

John had looked at enough maps to know where Demlin was. "Is that not a village in the foothills of the mountains?"

"Yes," the young man said insolently.

John glared, putting all the weight of rank and age and experience in it. "Was there much opportunity for sailing on the open oceans in Demlin?"

The boy swallowed. "There is a lake, sir. My brothers and I were fishermen."

John relaxed slightly and drawled, "So if there is a need for someone to row about and trawl for fish, we shall know who to call."

That got a chuckle from the other lads, but before John could move on, the boy held up a hand. "Sir? Are you the Caldoran knight?"

John tensed. He had been afraid of this, but there was little he could do but maintain his composure in the face of whatever reaction he was about to endure. Having dealt with the insolence and whispering of the court – on more than one topic, in fact – over the winter, he could only hope these boys would be more easily cowed. "I am."

Murmurs rippled through the crowd, and his young questioner looked at him with respect that bordered on awe. "Is it true? You saved the queen from an assassin by taking an arrow meant for her?"

He blinked, nodding awkwardly. Of all the possible outcomes, this was one he hadn't been prepared for.

"Did you really shoot down a dozen assailants while protecting the princess?" another younger boy asked eagerly.

John smiled ruefully. "I'm afraid reports of my valor are slightly exaggerated. There was only one assailant and it was not a difficult shot."

His modesty didn't seem to have the intended effect. They were still looking at him with wide eyes and whispering amongst themselves.

John wondered for a moment if hostility would not be easier to deal with, not to mention less uncomfortable for himself. And he had a feeling that if Kate or Laura or, heaven forbid, Elizabeth found out about this, they would give him no end of teasing for it all.

* * *

Dinner together became a habit with alarming speed, as Sarah joined Jack the evening he first asked and several evenings to follow. Being able to have a civilized conversation over a meal was. . . nice. That was the best word Sarah had for it. With each passing day they grew more and more comfortable with each other, something Sarah was very grateful for.

She was stirring her soup absently that evening when she asked, "Has the queen had any news from the border?"

"I'm afraid not," Jack answered between bites. "Reports come every fortnight, unless there is urgent news. Silence is what we hope for."

Sarah nodded. "But the longer it takes, the more likely it is that the Goa'uld will strike Atalan instead of Caldora."

"Yes," he replied. "But I have no doubt that the queen will be greatly distressed even if the opposite happens."

Ever since her first conversation with the queen, Sarah had been fairly burning with curiosity about this development with Caldora, and more particularly what the story was behind the presence of a Caldoran within the court, so seemingly close to the monarch. "I still cannot quite grasp that idea, I confess," she said. "A Caldoran in the queen's inner circle. A first in the country's history, I imagine."

Jack looked a little hesitant. "He has never proved disloyal to Elizabeth," he said. "And I suppose one could argue that it is good that she has allowed an outside voice into her closest acquaintances."

Sarah raised a brow. "Diplomatically said."

"What, you don't believe me?" Jack asked with half a smile. "He's not one of her advisors, and she is a fair-minded woman. She never listens to any one of us exclusively."

Sarah considered this for a moment. "Perhaps it is best if she does take his advice from time to time," she said. "It is probably good for her to hear opinions from those who have not had authority over her for most of her life."

"She has her ladies-in-waiting," Jack replied. "It is part of their responsibility to advise her, and believe me, two more opinionated ladies could not have been found if it had been attempted. And the queen has even been known to ask opinions of her guards from time to time."

Sarah nodded, and then had to smile. "Speaking of her ladies-in-waiting and her guards. . ."

Jack held a hand up. "If you saw anything, I do not wish to know."

"Ah, so you know about Lady Katherine and the young captain," she said, smiling broadly. "Why the denial?"

"I like Captain Lorne," Jack replied, "and I fear what will happen to him when Kate's father finds out about this. And I certainly don't want Heightmeyer to turn his wrath on me for knowing and not doing anything to stop it."

"To stop a young man and woman from falling in love?" she asked.

"Lorne has bedded a number of women in the court," he said simply.

"I see." A moment later, Sarah smiled and shook her head. "You really are attached to those young ladies, aren't you?"

"I had a hand in raising all three of them," Jack replied. "Some years I saw them more than I saw my own son."

There was something unspoken in his remark, and Sarah wondered just how close Jack was to his son. As the head of Atalan's military, he was a busy man, and she suspected that his time with Elizabeth in Atlantis had eaten up much of the time he could have spent with Charles. "Are you worried about your son's safety?" she asked quietly.

"He's stubborn," Jack said. "He always has been. I worry that he will not come north if the Goa'uld attack."

Sarah looked down at her food. "He sounds like his father."

Tentatively she met his gaze again, and for a long while they just stared at each other. "Perhaps you are right," he said at last, though he did not seem happy to admit it.

"I would not suggest that as a bad thing," she said. "Everywhere you go in this palace, people show you respect. That is not a product of your birth, Jack. You have earned that. I'm sure of it."

He looked at her dubiously. "And what makes you so sure of that?"

"It does not take a great political mind to realize that Atalan suffered greatly after King Edmund's death," Sarah replied. "I do not know the full extent of what transpired under the regency, but I would guess that you held the army together with your own hands. You have kept this country safe under trying circumstances."

He was quiet for a long time and did not look at her. "I should apologize," he said, a low tone in his voice that made her frown. "Ten years ago the defense of the borders was my responsibility. Had I been more vigilant, you would have been safe."

Gently, Sarah reached for his hand. "Then perhaps it is time for you to rescue me."

* * *

When Elizabeth was able to call Sir John to dine with her on an evening, it was always a good sign. It meant that she was finished with her labors for the day, and felt confident that she could sup at her leisure and stay at the table long after the dishes were cleared, talking and laughing to her heart's content. In this instance, however, she had called him almost out of guilt. She had not spoken to him in a few days, and she did not want him to feel as though she was pushing him away.

Her conversation with Sir Jacob a few days earlier was still on her mind. Few people in the palace still spoke candidly about her father to her. The passage of so much time seemed to have dulled memories and cast a fine mist over pictures in the mind. Her own memories of him were not as strong as she would have wished, because they had been formed in childhood. But some were as clear as day.

As much as was possible, her parents had always tried to eat supper with her. As she got older and it became apparent that she might be the heiress to the throne after all, Elizabeth did spend more and more time with her father, until his health began to fail. But even then he kept that mealtime for her and her mother, almost until the end.

One evening, they had been standing at the window of the dining room, as she did now, staring out at the shipyards far below. At the time, the mighty Aurora had been under construction, her keel laid and the hull climbing up the rib-like beams. Her father had talked and talked about the building of the ship, about the other vessels in the navy, about the brave men who captained and sailed them. She had not known it at the time, but she understood now that he had been trying to teach her. He must have known that he was not long for this world.

With a sigh, Elizabeth crossed her arms over herself. Her father had obviously known that the navy might have problems after his death, and she wondered if he had give her any other valuable information in this room.

She heard footsteps and a few moments later, someone gently tugged her shawl upward. Elizabeth abruptly turned her head. Sir John was right behind her, pulling her shawl up over her shoulders. "You looked cold, my lady," he said quietly.

It was well that they were alone. Daniel and Jack probably would have skinned him alive for touching her unsolicited in that manner.

"The winter will be over soon," she replied, reaching up to pull her shawl tighter around herself. "And good riddance to it, I say."

Elizabeth looked back out of the window, and John chuckled. "If only I could believe you."

"Can you not feel it?"

"Remember, your Majesty, I have spent my life in warmer climes," he replied. "I have not yet developed a sense of the weather here."

"Then you shall have to trust me."

She meant the words to be playful, even flirtatious, but something about the sight before her drained the life from her words. In recent days the news of the Goa'uld had never been far from her mind, and with John so close now her earlier resolution was all the more painful.

She had kept things from him before. There had been times when he had asked questions about the country's defenses or some other subject and she had not given him a complete answer. Technically he had no reason to know such things, after all. But this felt different. If the Goa'uld attacked Caldora, then his family was at risk. If they attacked Atalan, then his life was at risk, for she surely could not keep an able-bodied warrior in Atlantis simply because he was one of her favorites. No, she would have to send him to the front, and he would go and fight bravely in her name.

But that alone was not enough. Elizabeth had no plan to inform all of her knights of this danger before she knew with certainty where the Goa'uld attacked. Was John's birth enough to make him an exception?

John stepped around her and touched her arm. "My lady, are you unwell?" he asked.

Elizabeth shook her head. "No," she replied. "I have been thinking."

"That much is obvious," he said, letting his hand fall away. "What is bothering you?"

She looked at him once more and saw nothing more than deep concern in his eyes. She knew him. She knew his character, his past, his proclivities, and his faults. She knew that if she told him, he would not speak a word to another soul.

She opened her mouth to answer him, intending to tell him everything that had transpired, but the words would not come. She had made a mistake with him once before, and this situation went far beyond the scope of anything she had yet faced in her short rule. This was no quarrel with a petulant nobleman, nor even a Wraith attack. War lay on the other side of the mountains, and she could not afford an error. Perhaps she should not trust her instincts this time.

Doing her best not to sigh, she dropped her gaze. "Nothing," she said quietly.

He let it go, though Elizabeth could tell by his posture that he did not believe her. Within a short while the others arrived and they got on with dinner, but as the evening wore on, the lie began to hurt as much as the truth did.


	3. Chapter 3

  
Almost three weeks after Sarah arrived in Atlantis, rumors were swirling. Kate was a little ashamed of it, but she was relieved that they had nothing to do with herself and Sir John. Instead, Lord Jack and Lady Sarah were the object of every gossip's tongue, and the pair was certainly giving everyone reason to talk.

A scarce two and a half weeks before Laura was to be married, Kate found herself locking the door to the queen's chambers, locking out even Elizabeth for the time. It was warmer than it had been in months outside, and Kate was quite certain that if she let Laura leave, she would never get her wedding dress hemmed.

So Laura was standing up straight in the sitting room, her lovely grey dress draped over her slender form, as graceful as the wearer. The long hours of embroidering tiny flowers all over the bodice and along the hem had been worth it. She looked as beautiful as a bride ought to look, and even Laura herself seemed grateful that Kate and Elizabeth had talked her into putting so much effort into it all.

"Do you know what I heard today?" Laura suddenly asked, stifling a giggle.

Kate looked up from the floor, where she was pinning the hem. "What?"

"That any day now, Lord Jack will be announcing his engagement to Lady Sarah."

Kate shook her head and smiled. "The people in this court have no decency."

"None whatsoever," Laura replied. Then she sobered. "It is strange, though."

"What is?" Kate asked. "That Jack would spend so much time with her?"

"I am not sure how to explain it." Laura turned slightly, letting Kate move on to the next section. "There have been rumors about him and various women ever since his wife died, but none have seemed so persistent as these. And he genuinely seems to value her company."

"There must be something more to her than what we have seen," Kate replied. "He is not the type of man to be enticed by a weak-willed woman."

"To survive with the Goa'uld so long, she could not be weak." Laura sighed. "I wish I knew the extent of the truth, though."

Kate smiled a little. "I confess myself curious as well."

Then suddenly there was a pounding at the door, a frantic tugging at the handle, and Kate scrambled up from the floor. Swiftly she unlocked it and opened it enough to see outside but still keep Laura out of view. It was one of the newer members of the guard, a young man Marcus had hired just before winter. He was slightly out of breath. "My lady," he said, "I'm to escort you and Lady Laura to the queen's audience chamber as quickly as possible."

Kate nodded. "What is the matter?"

The young man looked left and right before lowering his voice. "Lord Samuels has returned and learned of Lady Sarah's presence. He demanded a private audience with her Majesty immediately."

"Well then." Knowing nothing good could come of this, she nodded again. "We will be there directly."

Laura was half-undressed when Kate shut the door, and while the younger woman changed into her everyday clothes Kate took care of the wedding gown. They were out of the room again within just a few minutes, hurrying down to the audience chamber. Well before they arrived there, they heard evidence of a fight brewing.

Jack and Samuels were in each other's faces already. Had it not been for Sarah and Daniel's presence, Kate thought it could have come to blows before the entire group was called into the chamber.

The two ladies-in-waiting took their places beside the queen, who was looking upon the assembled group with a stern and composed expression on her face. Kate saw immediately what had happened. Samuels had insisted on speaking with her. Elizabeth had probably thought it unwise to cross him out of spite, but had invited some of his least favorite people in as well.

"Your Majesty," Samuel said, once the short pleasantries had been hastily dispensed with, "I have been willing to give you the benefit of the doubt on more than one occasion since you took the throne. Even the matter with the Caldoran could be excused by virtue of your youth. But this – a child could choose a better course of action!"

Kate glanced at Lady Sarah, whose hand was still on Jack's arm. She did not look comfortable, but neither did she look as though she was ready to bolt. Jack, on the other hand, was fairly seething by this point.

Elizabeth, for her part, remained calm and did not stoop to his level. "Lady Sarah came here with information concerning the Goa'uld," she said. "Information which could be vital to us in securing our realm's safety. The conventions of any civilized nation would dictate that she be granted safe harbor. She is also one of our people, which gives us even more reason to offer her our hospitality."

Samuels huffed. "Your Majesty, this is naïve at best. She consorted with the Goa'uld for ten years."

"She was held against her will, my lord," Elizabeth replied, a hint of coldness in her voice now. "That is not the same as consorting with them."

"And in ten years, she never saw fit to escape?" he shot back. "No, that is consorting, and allow me to inform you that no one can come out of that country without bearing their foul stench."

Jack and Daniel both shifted, one in anger and the other in discomfort, but Elizabeth merely raised a brow at him. "And how would you know such a thing, Lord Samuels?" she asked. Kate knew from various conversations that she was tired of hearing her cousin and her friend maligned for having dealt with the Goa'uld in the past, so it was remarkable to her that she was keeping her temper in control.

But before Samuels could answer the question, Lady Sarah took a small step forward. "Your Majesty," she said, her voice soft and unassuming, "I feel I must thank this gentleman."

Samuels was taken aback, and Elizabeth looked at her sharply. "Indeed?" she said.

"Yes," she replied. "He has reminded me that I have been here for some time and have not yet pledged my loyalty to you. I wish to rectify this at once."

Had it not been for the moment of surprise on the queen's face, Kate might have thought that Elizabeth had planned this. She was quick to take advantage of it, however, and she nodded to Sarah. "The law requires three members of the college of lords be present for such a thing, so I believe we have witnesses enough."

She glanced at Samuels, as though daring him to escape. But while he was clearly unhappy, he stood where he was while Sarah approached the queen and knelt before her. Elizabeth looked down upon her and said, "Sarah of Berwynn, you are by inheritance a viscountess and a member of the college of lords. Do you claim these as your rights under the law?"

"I do," Sarah replied. "And I, Sarah, Viscountess of Berwynn, do swear true loyalty and faith to our lady Elizabeth, Queen of Atalan, defender of the realm."

Elizabeth gave her a regal nod, and Jack stepped forward to offer Sarah his hand and help her rise. In the meantime, Elizabeth looked at Samuels. "We thank you for your honest concern," she said. "However, we hope this has demonstrated that Lady Sarah's loyalty is not in question. You are dismissed."

After looking about the room for a moment as though hoping an ally would materialize out of nothing, Samuels stomped off. As soon as he was gone, the atmosphere in the room relaxed considerably. Elizabeth rose from her throne. "That was an excellent notion," she said, looking at Sarah.

"It seemed the fastest way to silence him, and anyone like him," Sarah replied. "And he was right, in part. I had given no one a reason to believe me loyal to you."

Kate thought Elizabeth might have argued the point, but she only pressed her lips together for a moment. "I am in your debt, for more reasons than one," she said.

Sarah nodded in reply, and with that Elizabeth left the room. Along with Laura, Kate followed her out, grateful that at least one crisis had been so cleanly averted.

* * *

  
Winter in Atlantis had not been much to John's liking. There was too much of everything: too much snow, too much ice, too much wind. The weeks he'd spent in Athos had not been much better. The village was not far enough inland to shield it from the raging storms.

But the sun finally appeared to be remembering them. The snow had melted, green plants began to sprout up from the earth, and the ocean calmed.

Once his work with Pendergast and the navy was done, John thought he might set forth to the mainland, to explore more of Atalan now that he seemed to be adopted into the country. But something about the palace had tethered him to the island, and while he liked the prospect of seeing more of the realm, he was reluctant to leave.

So on a beautiful afternoon, though the air was quite crisp, he found himself heading to a field between the palace walls and the shore, where half a dozen targets had been set up. With a quiver slung across his back and his longbow in hand, he felt as though life was returning to normal at last.

He had fired a handful of arrows into the target, getting more accurate and consistent as he went, when he saw motion out of the corner of his eye. There were new colors in his field of vision, and he knew he had an audience as he fired his next shot.

It struck dead center.

John turned then and nodded to the group observing him. Elizabeth had found him, along with Kate and Laura and Captain Lorne. It was the coltish queen herself, however, who commanded his attention, in her gown of crimson silk. He had been so busy with his work with Pendergast, he had not seen her in several days, and then only for a few moments.

"Good afternoon, Sir John," she greeted when she had reached him, her attendants standing several feet back.

She offered her hand, and he bowed to kiss it. "My lady," he replied. "It is a fine day."

"Indeed," she said with a smile. Then she gestured toward the targets. "That was most impressive."

John frowned as he headed toward the target to retrieve his arrows. He thought it a little odd that she had not observed a true master before, and he hardly qualified. "I should think there would be better archers in the palace defenses."

"There are, but not many," Elizabeth replied, and John could just barely detect her carefully covered distaste. He could guess who had made that decision. "In truth, there was some reason to it. We have other defenses, and here at the palace we have rarely seen raiders so bold as to attack us. The villages on the mainland are easier targets."

Pulling the last arrow from the target and turning back, he said, "But?"

"Jack has sent word to the army's encampments," she said. "A company of archers will be here soon."

John smiled at her. "Then I should practice while I have the targets to myself."

The smile he got in return was almost a grin, and she stood back as he nocked an arrow and fired it at the target. The arrow struck a little higher this time, but he hardly noted that. Instead, he drew an arrow and fired again, and thrice more in rapid succession. When he paused and looked at the queen, her eyebrows were raised in awe. "My lady," he said, "is something wrong?"

"I must confess myself a little amazed," she replied. "Could you. . . Could you show me how?"

He nodded, taking a step back. "As you wish."

Elizabeth stepped up to him and he motioned for her to turn around. She did, and he gently grabbed her shoulders to turn her a little more. "Look at the target," he instructed. "Raise your left hand." When she had done both, John placed the longbow in her open palm. Then he took a step back to look at her.

"The bow is almost as tall as me," she commented.

"But not taller," John replied. "And that is the important part." Then he gently grasped her arm and turned it. "Keep your elbow pointed out."

"Why?"

"You risk harming yourself if you do not," he explained. "Believe me, you do not want to feel the snap of a bowstring."

As he showed her how to nock an arrow, he could not help but notice that Lorne, Kate and Laura had moved further down the path, to a place where they could observe better. It made John feel somewhat nervous, though this was hardly the first time he had taught a person how to fire a longbow just in this month.

He cleared his throat and focused on the queen. "Now," he said, "draw the bow."

Elizabeth pulled on the string, focusing intently on the target, but stopped well before she should have. "Sir John," she said quietly, "this is a warrior's weapon. I have not the strength to draw it fully."

John should have stopped her then and moved her closer to the target, but he did not. Instead, he laid his left hand over hers on the bow and said, "May I?"

She nodded silently, and John wrapped his arm around her.

It took him a long time to realize that this was an awkward position from which to fire. He was distracted by the slip of a girl in his arms, her body pushing against his chest with every breath. He swallowed hard, trying to ignore the details of the situation, and pulled the string back. As he drew it, Elizabeth gasped and pressed back against him. Belatedly John realized that he had brushed his fingers against her breast. Somehow he could tell that she wished to speak, but she did not open her mouth. In return, he tried to look away from where the fabric stretched taut over her chest, but there were other distractions too. They were matched limb for limb, and he could feel her heart beating faster than it should have been, as did his. He could only hope she would not notice.

"On the count of three, let fly," he whispered. "One, two, three."

In unison they released the string, and Elizabeth could not have been more pleased with the result. The arrow had struck a little left of center, but for her first attempt at sighting a shot, she had done very well. When she looked over her shoulder at him, she smiled broadly and said, "May I try again?"

The second time, he did not give her guidance, stepping in only when she looked at him for help with the bowstring. But the third time, as she fired, she cried out.

John stepped around her in half a moment, taking the bow from her and setting it aside. "Your Majesty?" he said, while the others rushed toward them. "What is the matter?"

"The string," she said, her eyes welling up with tears.

He did not ask permission to push her left sleeve back, though Kate gave him a rather stern look for it. Her arm was red, and already starting to swell. "It is nothing serious," he said, more for the others' benefit. "But she is in no inconsiderable pain."

John glanced up at her face then and saw that she had shed a few tears. He wished very badly to say something to her, but suddenly could not think of the words. Thankfully, Kate drew his attention away from the pair of large, green eyes that were staring back at him so intently. "Sir John, is there anything we can do to ease the pain for her?"

"Something cold will help. Is there ice in the kitchens?"

"You will not waste that on me," Elizabeth said, forcefully. "Draw water from the well. It will suffice."

Kate looked at the other woman. "Laura, fetch some cloths and meet us in the courtyard."

Laura turned and ran, and John offered Elizabeth his arm. She gave him a look of sheer gratitude, and they walked up to the palace, Lorne and Kate behind them. Lorne drew water from the courtyard well, and by the time the bucket had reached the top, brimming with cool water, Laura had returned, breathless and bearing strips of cloth.

The ladies and the guard allowed John to tend to the bruises on the queen's arm, and he imagined that he was the only one there who had ever encountered such an injury. Lorne did not have the look of an archer, and Kate and Laura had vastly different concerns than the care of combat wounds. Then Elizabeth surprised them all and said, "Laura, Kate, Captain, I wish to speak privately with Sir John."

Laura opened her mouth to say something, but Kate curtseyed, grabbed Laura's arm, and headed out with her. Lorne bowed and followed them, retreating to a discreet distance, and John looked up at Elizabeth with a brow raised. "Your Majesty?" he prompted, wondering if he was about to be reprimanded for something.

"I want to ask something which may be uncomfortable for you," Elizabeth replied. "I thought it best that you not have an audience."

John dipped another cloth into the cold water and laid it over her outstretched arm. She hissed at the contact. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "What is it you wish to know?"

She bit her lip for a moment. "You told me once that you were called to defend Caldora when you were younger. Did you serve in the Ori war?"

The question was so unexpected to him that he could only stare. "How did you know?"

Elizabeth looked so uncertain that John almost wanted to withdraw his question. But after a few moments, she looked him in the eye again and said, "A few minutes ago you fired so rapidly, and there was a look on your face. . . I have little experience with such things, but you have the manner of a man who has seen war."

Slowly, John nodded. "Do you remember the Ori?"

She shook her head minutely. "I was two years old when they came here," she replied. "The consequences of their arrival still linger, but no, I do not remember them."

"Then I am not certain you can understand those days," John said. "The Ori were persuasive in many ways. When they could not persuade with the promises of wealth and glory, they persuaded with threats. They were going to war with the Ancients, and they wanted to raise an army."

"I know," Elizabeth said. "My father refused them. They burned fields and forests, and they killed my people without mercy. Father was injured then. He never truly recovered." She shook her head. "But you must have been a child then."

"I was fourteen," he replied. "The youngest of six sons. The old king sent us all."

"Fourteen," she breathed. John knew what had happened to her when she was barely past that age. It was only a few years younger than she was now.

"I was gone for most of a decade. We all were," he continued. He thought of the Ancient woman who helped him escape both armies, seeing that he was not truly a part of this conflict, but that would be a tale for another time. His voice grew rough. "I was the only one of my father's house to return."

"John–"

Whatever she wished to say died on her lips, for John noticed a smudge of dirt on her face, and he touched her cheek lightly with his fingertips. The smudge had probably come from his own hand. John took the last of the cloths and wetted it, wringing it out as much as possible, and cleaned the dirt away. Folding the cloth over, he wiped away the tear streaks too, and as he brushed by her parted lips, he realized that she was holding her breath. Her hand had closed around his, or perhaps it was the other way around.

In that moment, Elizabeth looked less regal yet more beautiful, and John suddenly wanted to kiss her very badly.

But in the next moment, Elizabeth's eyes flickered away, and she said, "Cousin."

John looked over his shoulder to see Daniel, and he pulled his hand away from hers. "Pardon my intrusion, Majesty," Daniel said, "but you're to meet with the ambassador from Iolan in a few minutes."

"Thank you," she replied. "I shall be there directly." Gingerly, Elizabeth removed the wet strips from her arm and pulled her sleeve down over the welt. "Thank you, Sir John, for your assistance," she added, seeming a little distracted before she exited the courtyard.

John lingered behind, cleaning up the mess. Daniel stayed too, and after a brief silence he said, "May I ask what you were doing, Sir John?" It was not a request.

"There was an accident," John replied. "She wanted to learn to fire a bow, and the string snapped her arm."

"That is not what I meant," Daniel said. "She may be queen, but she is young. With youth comes vulnerability."

John frowned deeply, almost scowling. "What are you implying?"

"That you should be careful, sir," the duke advised. "And that whatever your intentions, you cannot play games with her."

Daniel left then, without letting John respond at all, even if he had been able to come up with an answer. He had thought his actions required no explanation, but apparently such was not the case. The admonishment held a hint of threat in it, and he knew the other man was serious. He had seen in the last six months that the queen's closest circle of advisors were protective of her, but never thought would affect him beyond wary glances. After all, what was the danger in such a friendship?

But as he walked outside again to retrieve his bow and arrows, he remembered the allure of wide green eyes and the lingering touch of a woman, and he knew with sudden certainty why he did not wish to leave the island of Atlantis.

* * *

  
That evening, Sarah did not join Jack for supper. Her absence left him feeling strange, and he found it a little odd that he had so quickly grown accustomed to her presence. After the sun had set, he went looking for her, and found her on the western rooftop terrace. He was somewhat surprised that the guards had allowed her up there. For a long time Elizabeth had used that as a place of privacy, saying she sometimes felt too cloistered in her garden and needed the whip of the sea air.

On this evening, it was snowing.

When he joined Sarah along the parapet, she was smiling to herself. "Do you have any idea how long it has been since I watched snow falling?" she asked. "I've spent the last ten years in a desert."

"It will not stick," Jack replied. "It's been warm enough these past few days that the ground is not cold."

"I know." Sarah inhaled deeply. "But it is beautiful anyway."

He nodded, but turned his attention to another subject. "You did a brave thing this afternoon," he said quietly.

Sarah looked at him, confused. "By pledging loyalty to the queen?"

"By thwarting Samuels," Jack corrected. "He's an idiot, but he has allies."

For a while they stood there silently, looking out to the shipyard and the sea beyond. The _Queen Margaret_ was probably just out of sight, patrolling the island, and two of her sister-ships lay in waiting in the yard, almost finished and ready to be christened. Even at this distance he could see flags waving upon their masts in the light breeze.

He knew Elizabeth was proud of what she and the realm had accomplished over the course of the winter, and it was laudable. But Jack remembered the navy before the Ori, when great warships had sailed the world proudly and every nation feared their might. He could not help but be a little sad that the navy had fallen so far. It was truly miraculous that none but the Wraith had attempted to prey upon their coasts in the intervening time.

And after everything Elizabeth had done to hasten the navy's reconstruction, the greatest threat loomed in the south, across the mountains. The irony was not lost on him.

But for now, they could only bide their time, and pray.

Beside him Sarah sighed, drawing him out of his thoughts. "What is it?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I came here in hopes of helping," she replied. "And I believe I have, but the waiting. . ."

"I know."

She turned and looked at him, and not for the first time he marveled at how very tall she was. As tall as Daniel, and nearly as tall as himself. She licked her lips nervously. "I think I would have run mad these past few weeks, had it not been for your kindness," she said softly.

When she stopped talking, Jack realized that he was still staring at her mouth. He'd had some vague and scattered thoughts in the past weeks, most of them boiling down to the fact that Sarah was a beautiful woman, but suddenly the abstract and general were becoming concrete and specific. She was beautiful and strong and touching his arm tenderly and he was only mortal.

He took a half step forward and kissed her gently. At first neither of them moved, and it occurred to Jack that it had probably been a very long time since Sarah had consented to be kissed. He drew back slightly, his lips not quite touching hers, and her hand came to rest over his heart. Thus encouraged, he brought one hand up to touch her face, and he kissed her again.

This time she responded, her lips moving with his, and when he slid his hand through her thick, curly hair to cup the back of her head, she whimpered a little. It had been some time since he'd been in this situation, and he found himself wanting more. When Sarah wound her arms around his neck, he pulled back and looked at her for a moment. It seemed she was as confused as he was, and Jack held her closer and kissed her deeply.

He was just beginning to give thought to what might happen if someone found them like this when Sarah abruptly pulled away. She was breathing heavily, her arms still around him, and the confusion Jack had seen before was mixed with something else he couldn't read. When she tried to step back, he let her. "What are we doing?" she asked, almost whispering.

"I don't know," Jack answered honestly.

She stepped back again, and she was looking anywhere but at him. "I should go," she said.

She fled without another word, and Jack did not hinder her as she left. Instead, he stayed in the cold evening air and wondered if this was something more than idle curiosity at work.

* * *

  
Too restless to settle for the evening, John wandered down to the stables to visit Silvanus. The wet snow outdoors meant he was alone with the animals. He fed his horse one of the apples he had brought, brushing the brown coat absently even though it was not strictly needed.

Across from them, the queen's mare, Megaera, snorted and shook her head.

 _"Should I have let you win, Princess?"_ The memory of his race with Elizabeth on the beach came back to him. Her small pout when he had beaten her, the look in her eyes when he helped her down from the horse's back, and the brief moment she had lingered far closer to him than necessary before moving away.

Silvanus turned to nudge him. John fed him another apple and then bit into the third one as he leaned against the door of the stall, watching the snow.

He had been retracing his friendship with Elizabeth all evening, ever since Daniel's oblique threat in the courtyard earlier. On some level, he was trying to convince himself that his sudden revelation this afternoon had been wrong. John had known since his arrival the previous fall that his relationship with the young monarch defied convention and propriety in many respects. He hadn't questioned it too closely, and now he wondered if he had been afraid of the answer, or willfully trying to deceive himself.

Shutting his eyes, John was once again kneeling before Elizabeth in the courtyard today, her hand holding his tightly, his own fingers brushing her cheek, staring at her parted lips fixedly. His blood heated at the mere memory.

He had not seen her since then, and he wondered if this intense longing to kiss her would reappear the next time they encountered each other. He suspected that such a desire would be impossible to forget, once acknowledged.

The truth was that his feelings for her were not solely that of a knight for his queen, or even a gentleman for a friend. He loved her. Thinking back, John finally admitted to himself that he had probably loved her from the moment he first set eyes on her. He remembered that day well, Elizabeth sitting in her garden and laughing, remembered touching her hand for the first time, the way her cheeks turned pink as she looked at him. In the months since, he had used every trick at his disposal to provoke that reaction from her as frequently as possible, both for the pleasure of seeing her and also for the warmth she produced in him.

His intentions toward her had always been honorable, but he looked back now with a new understanding. He could not help that his mind recalled in perfect detail the feeling of her body in his arms earlier today, of the way she had gasped when his fingers had brushed against her. It had been an accident, but it stirred questions about how she would react to a different type of contact, one that was not so innocent.

He stared at the half-eaten apple in his hand, but his eyes saw every blush he'd drawn from Elizabeth over the winter. He saw every smile she had bestowed on him. He saw her eyes, vividly, as they fixed on his and neither of them had been able to look away, more times than he could count.

John closed his eyes.

Elizabeth did care for him. He was certain of it, as certain as he was of his own heart. He could not say whether she felt as deeply as he did for her, but she did care.

Trying to calm himself, he stepped forward and offered the fruit to Megaera. She nibbled almost daintily and he smiled a little.

It was no great wonder that the queen's advisors had been so afraid of him all this time. They had seen the way Elizabeth reacted to him, as well as the way he had reacted to her. Had Teyla not been teasing him about his own misery when he believed Elizabeth would never trust him again? It had been apparent to everyone but themselves.

And now that he knew his own mind? The men who guarded Elizabeth had been worried about his effect on her when John himself had no thought but to be her friend and serve her. If his goal was more than friendship...

His fingers tightened in Megaera's mane unconsciously. In all honesty, he would not care for the differences in rank, nor for the certain objections of her advisors and the college of lords to the monarch marrying any Caldoran, much less a disgraced exile. Their protests would matter little when weighed in the balance against being Elizabeth's husband. For that honor he would face far greater dangers than some squabbling lords and gossiping ladies.

But Elizabeth's sense of duty was incised in her down to the marrow. Nothing mattered more to her than her people and her responsibility to her realm. Which was as it should be, and one of the things he admired about her, but John ached at the thought. How could he possibly convince her to set aside the wishes of her family and her people?

Assuming she would even want him in the first place.

* * *

  
Sarah did not sleep much that night. Her heart never seemed to stop racing. She tried her best to relax, feeling desperately that she needed to rest, but she simply could not calm down.

She was not a schoolgirl, she reminded herself, and had not succumbed to such a fit of nerves since she was a child. Something about the situation was terribly wrong. She was not even entirely certain of what she felt about Jack, but she had not told him the truth. Perhaps the manner of her escape from the Goa'uld did not affect the veracity of her claims, but she had not trusted him. At the moment, that was the greater sin.

She rose at first light, her entire body aching. Her intention was to seek out Jack before official business at the palace began, but it seemed he had had the same thought, for when she opened the door, he was on the other side. "My lord," she said, surprised.

"Sarah, may I speak with you for a moment?" he asked.

"Yes, of course," she replied, stepping aside to let him into the room. "I was on my way to find you, actually."

"Indeed?"

Sarah nodded.

"Do I owe you an apology for what happened last night?"

She began to blush, which made him chuckle. "Believe me, Jack, I do not feel wronged. Not in the slightest."

Jack looked rather smug for a moment, but that made Sarah feel a little more nervous. She backed away from him and sat down at a small table. "A few weeks ago," she said, deciding that bluntness was, in this case, the better part of valor, "I told you how I escaped from the Goa'uld, and now I must confess to you that I was not truthful with you."

He sobered immediately, crossing his arms over his chest and watching her seriously. "I had my suspicions, even then," he replied.

That was not surprising. "What I told you was what the Tok'ra spy assumed," she explained. "While he was helping me reach the Talas mountains, I tried to convince myself that it was the truth."

Jack's voice was low and gentle when he spoke. "Is there blood on your hands, Sarah?"

She looked up and saw only sympathy in his brown eyes. Silently, she nodded.

He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Sarah, you are not the only person I have known who escaped the Goa'uld," he said. "The one thing they all have in common is that they had to kill to do it. Whomever you struck was taking your life from you, little by little."

Sarah jumped up and stepped away, as though his touch suddenly burned. "Jack, you don't understand," she protested. "I killed Osiris. I walked into his chambers in midday and slit his throat while he slept."

"Sarah," he said, but she would not look at him.

"Malek found me there an hour later," she continued. "There was so much blood. He had already learned my identity, and he helped me cross the desert and reach the mountains because he thought my intention was to warn Atalan."

She hazarded a glance at Jack and saw him frowning in confusion. "Wasn't it?"

As tears began to well up in her eyes, she shook her head. "No. I did not decide to deliver a warning to you all until I had reached Atalan," she said. "When I learned that the army might strike here, I was livid. After ten years of slavery, ten years of being forced to share that pig's bed, it was more than I could bear. So I killed him. Took my revenge in the only way that seemed right."

Her voice broke, and she turned away, covering her face as she cried, not wanting Jack to see the shame she'd tried so hard to suppress. But before long, his hands rested on her shoulders, and then he pulled her into a fierce embrace.

"I believe you," he said into her ear. Slowly Sarah wrapped her arms around him and held on, thinking that he could not possibly know how much those words meant to her. But what he said next surprised her. "No one will learn of this from me."

She pulled back to look him in the eye, and what she saw was deadly serious. Then he brushed the wetness from her face with his thumbs, just before he leaned in and kissed her softly. "He got what he deserved, Sarah," he said. "And frankly, the fact that you feel guilt for killing a monster. . ."

"What?" she asked.

"It means he did not strip you of everything." Jack traced his thumb against her cheek again. "It means you're still whole." Then his voice lowered dangerously. "I only wish I could have killed him myself."

"Jack."

He drew her close again, stroking her back and brushing his lips against the base of her neck. Sarah shivered and embraced him once more. Light kisses reached her jaw, her cheek, her temple, and she let out a quiet sigh. "Jack," she breathed, and he leaned his forehead against hers. "I don't understand."

"I'm not good at talking," he told her. "I'm better at doing."

She swallowed hard. "And after what I just told you?"

"I'm a soldier, Sarah," he replied. He said no more than that, but Sarah understood what he meant. A crime of passion was not much different than a crime of war, and if he could not forgive her, neither could he forgive himself.

Slowly, she brought her hand up to touch his face, her palm cupping his cleanly shaved cheek. She still did not fully understand what was happening, but this was something else Osiris had stolen from her youth – the confusion, the anxiety, the strange warmth wherever he touched her. But she was no young girl, blushing and pure, and everything was made more complicated now by what had been done to her and what she had done.

He leaned in to kiss her, and she let herself respond to the feel of his mouth against hers. There would be time enough to sort everything out in days to come. For now, this was enough.

* * *

  
Jack had breakfast in the nobles' dining hall with Sarah, though neither of them talked much during the meal. He could not begin to guess where her thoughts were, but his were racing from one subject to another. She had killed Osiris. She had told him the truth at last. She had not pushed him away when he'd kissed her.

He had no idea what most of that meant.

Sarah returned to her chambers after the meal, but Jack sought out the queen. She was probably having breakfast with Kate and Laura just now, before he and Daniel came to brief her on the day's activities. When he arrived at the royal chambers, he discovered that he was right. "Jack," she said, smiling brightly upon seeing him. "You're early. Will you join us?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt," he replied, "but I need to speak with you privately."

Elizabeth glanced at Laura and Kate, who swiftly left the room, taking some of the food with them. When the door to the bedroom was closed behind them, she looked at Jack. "What is the matter?"

"I know you told me to say nothing of the manner of Sarah's escape if it was not crucial to the truth of her warning," he said, taking a seat next to her. "But at the same time, I know you would always wonder and worry if I said nothing."

"Then she has told you the truth?" Elizabeth asked.

Jack nodded. "You have nothing to fear from her."

The queen sighed in relief and her whole body relaxed. "Thank you," she said quietly.

"There is something I should tell you, however," he continued. "She was able to escape because Osiris died suddenly."

Her eyes narrowed. "Why was she afraid to divulge that before?"

Jack could tell that she was likely to figure it out eventually, but he would not betray Sarah's confidence. "When are our fears ever rational, Elizabeth?" he asked gently.

Elizabeth was quiet for a moment. "This could work to our advantage," she said. "There is likely to be conflict over his territories now that he is dead, which could stall and weaken any possible incursion."

He nodded. "That was my reason for telling you."

There was a knock on the door, and Elizabeth called for the person to enter. It was Peter Grodin, holding a folded and sealed paper in his hand. "Your Majesty," he said, "forgive my intrusion, but a messenger just arrived from the mountains."

Elizabeth rose so quickly she almost knocked her chair over. Jack was up a moment later, and he watched as she took the message from Peter and opened it with shaking hands. As she read, all the color drained from her face. "Jack," she said in a voice that filled him with dread, "find Daniel. Meet me in my audience chamber."

* * *

  
Though her advisors were gathered before her, Elizabeth was still pacing silently, ignoring their presence. The message from the mountain sentries was still in her hands, crumpled from much wringing. "My lady?" Daniel said at last.

Elizabeth shook her head. "Not yet."

Then one of the massive oak doors behind the group swung open, and John of Sheppard entered. Elizabeth stopped her pacing and looked at him. He looked around tentatively as the guard outside closed the door behind him. "Your Majesty?" he asked from across the room.

"The Goa'uld have attacked Caldora," she said, looking only at him. "Through the province of Sheppard. They crossed the Mearali River ten days ago."

John's face turned ashen as she spoke. For a long time the room was silent, until Elizabeth could no longer bear the weight of his gaze and she turned away.

Fortunately, Jack seemed to understand why she had called them all together. He turned to Daniel. "The Tok'ra still have good relations with Caldora, right?" he asked.

"Yes," Daniel replied. "And given their historic enmity with the Goa'uld, they're likely to give aid to Caldora. Perhaps even troops."

The calm, reasoned discussion helped Elizabeth focus, and she took to pacing again. "I must inform the college of lords of this aggression," she said. "The Goa'uld could well turn their eyes to us next, and heaven knows that ought to get their attention."

"What are you thinking, cousin?" Daniel asked, sounding equally curious and apprehensive about her answer.

Elizabeth took a moment to seat herself on her throne, though this position placed her opposite John once more. Deliberately she looked to Daniel again and asked, "What would happen if I threw my support behind Caldora?"

There was only a moment of silence before Daniel and Jack both started talking to her at once. Elizabeth did not let it last long before she raised her hand to silence them. "Do not think of _how_ I would show my support," she elaborated. "That is a detail for another time, when we have more information from them."

Daniel cleared his throat. "The Jaffa may be enemies of the Goa'uld, but they have never been friends of Caldora. If you show your support, it is more likely that they will stand with Caldora as well."

"And by that logic, so would Iolan," Elizabeth replied. "Surely the Goa'uld would not be so foolish as to stand against five nations."

"Would you be willing to broker such an alliance, my lady?" Kate asked. "That would be no small task."

"I cannot say now," she said. "There are too many things I do not know. It may well be that Caldora does not need our aid."

At last, John spoke. "They will," he said quietly, but the sound of his voice made everyone turn and look at him. "They lost a generation of men. They have not the might to turn back an invasion alone. The real question is whether or not they will be humble enough to ask for your help."

Slowly, Elizabeth nodded. "We must send official word of this to Sir Jacob and the Tok'ra, though they may know already," she said. "If the Tok'ra do offer troops to Caldora and need passage through Atalan, I will give Sir Jacob the authority as my ambassador to grant it. As I understand the law, I do not need to bring that before the college of lords before I make such a decision." Then she turned to Jack and Daniel specifically. "I need this news spread among the lords who are already here, as I want them all to know of this before I address the full assembly. Lord George arrives in a few days, does he not?"

"At the earliest we expect him a day after tomorrow," Daniel replied.

"Then send a messenger to intercept him," Elizabeth ordered. "He does not need to hasten his return, but I wish him to know as quickly as possible."

Daniel and Jack both nodded their agreement, and Elizabeth looked about the room. "And I wish to speak with Sir John," she said quietly. "Alone."

The men in particular seemed reluctant to leave, but Kate and Laura led the way. John stayed where he was, simply staring at her. The look on his face made her want to cry. "What makes you so sure that Caldora will turn to you for aid?" he asked once the others were all gone. The tone in his voice suggested that he already knew the answer.

Elizabeth closed her eyes for a moment. "Three weeks ago when Lady Sarah arrived, she brought news that the Goa'uld had amassed an army within striking distance of both Caldora and Atalan," she explained, as calmly as she could. "I sent a messenger to warn King Henry, but he could not have arrived more than a day or two before the attack. If that much."

The look on his face was one of horror and betrayal. "What are you playing at?" he asked, his voice rising. "These three weeks you have known that my father was in danger, and yet you said nothing?"

"There were many people in danger, Sir John," she replied, feeling her own temper rising. "I did not have enough information to share publicly, so I decided not to cause public panic–"

"No, my lady," he interrupted, stepping closer at last. "You kept this from me. After everything I have done to try to win back your trust – have I done something now to lose it again?"

"John, how could you–" Elizabeth started to say, but she checked herself. She did not understand what it was about this man that intensified everything she felt, but she had to be the master of herself now. Nervously she bit her lip, and then she rose. "I did not conceal this from you to hurt you," she said, doing her best to keep from raising her voice.

"Then why?" he demanded.

"I could not tell you," she insisted. "Believe me, I am not lying to you."

He swallowed hard and looked away. "After my illness this winter you made me swear that I had disclosed everything to you," he said. "Am I now to learn that you will not extend the same courtesy to me?"

"John, you're not being reasonable," Elizabeth replied, but the truth of his words made her feel very small.

"Reasonable?" he asked. "My family was on the front lines of a war I knew nothing about! These are people I love! Since when is anyone supposed to be reasonable about such a thing?"

By that point they were standing closely in front of each other. "John, please," she said in a soft voice, hoping it would assuage him. "Please try to understand."

He hesitated a moment, then brought his hands up to her face, startling her. No man had ever touched her like this, and something about the warmth of his hands against her cheeks made her heart race. "Majesty, tell me the truth," he said. He had no right to order her like that, but she did not think of it. His green eyes were filled with something stark and intense and painful and she could not look away.

"There are some things you are not privileged to know," she said. "You are neither my advisor nor my husband, and I simply cannot tell you everything."

Slowly he removed his hands from her face. "Then that is how it's to be?" he asked. "Secrets always between us?"

They stood then not as friends, nor even as a man and a woman, but as a Caldoran before the Queen of Atalan. This had happened once before, and Elizabeth was fairly desperate not to see this end the same way. "I wanted to tell you," she replied. "Truly. I almost did. But my duty to Atalan and her laws must always come first. I hope you would not wish me to act otherwise."

John looked away from her then, rubbing his face with his hand. "I should go," he said. "I should write to. . . someone. My cousin, perhaps. I want to know if my father is still alive."

Elizabeth nodded, and he turned toward the door. But impulsively she grabbed him by the arm. "John, wait," she said.

"What?"

Setting caution and propriety at naught, she closed the gap between them and embraced him, wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders. He did not move at first, but then his hands lightly rested against her back, as though he was worried about being caught in this position. "Your Majesty?" he prompted.

"I'm so sorry," she replied. "But whatever Caldora needs, if it is in my power, I will grant it. You have my word."

A few seconds later, his arms tightened around her. Though all the world around them was threatening to unravel, they both held on.


End file.
